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Post by coachbowlin on May 29, 2014 7:04:38 GMT -6
Every loss hurts. Some more than others. What I always did, was I would spend the weekend reviewing film from the loss, to figure out, what truly caused the loss. I mean most of the time, we are well aware of turnovers and sacks, and the points scored. However, I'd always look back to see if someone ran a route wrong which lead to a turnover, or who missed a block. ( I didn't have any full-time assistants, so it was only me that I could count on).
Of course, all this was done, while scouting and breaking down our next week opponent. I'd spend more time on the opponent we are playing next, but would always spend a lot of time breaking down what caused us to lose.
Also, Monday was our day to deal with the loss. After that, its on the next opponent. Doesn't matter what we did last week, only thing that matters now, is what we can do this week.
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Post by rsmith627 on May 29, 2014 7:23:21 GMT -6
It used to bother me a lot when I was in a winning program where undefeated seasons were expected. Then, I became part of a program that does not win. Ever. We have won 2 games in the past 2 years and I am moving on because there is no sign of the culture improving. The kids and the community do not want a winning program here. I have become desensitized to losing. I go to bed on Friday night and wake up just fine on Saturday morning. It's another day.
Used to be that if we lost on Friday, you couldn't talk to me until around the middle of the day on Monday. Now when I get home my wife just asks if we're talking about the game or not, and we all move on.
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Post by natenator on May 29, 2014 7:33:38 GMT -6
Football in Canada is much different than in the US, although I've been told plenty of times my mentality towards football is on par with those in the US in terms of play, expectations, and unkindness towards losing. Maybe its because of that mentality I was recruited by major division I programs when I was playing? Who knows.
That said, I've learned to handle the loss itself pretty well regardless of being affiliated with a winning team or not. That does not mean I am accepting of it or complacent about it and I do not let my players be either. Whether we win or loss, there is always a 1000 mistakes that occur in a game from simple alignment and technique issues to blown coverages because players didn't know what they were doing to something an offense did that we had not seen nor were prepared for. One can accept a loss without accepting the play that resulted in the loss so I don't dwell on the loss itself - I use what we did wrong to help my kids get better and become better than they were the game before.
However, one thing I cannot handle is getting beat. And, there is a big difference between losing and getting beat. A very big difference.
I do not tolerate or handle getting beat.
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Post by irishdog on May 29, 2014 7:39:01 GMT -6
Any loss is tough, but some are harder to take than others. When I was a much younger coach I took every loss personally. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, I was a grouch, and I drankā¦a lot. As I "grew-up" and I "matured" as a coach I learned to not take a loss personally, or so seriously. I also learned that sometimes your Jimmies aren't as good as the other guy's Joes. And I also learned that if my forte was rebuilding programs there would be a bunch of losses until things got turned around.
Of the losses only two were the hardest to take. Got homered in a semi-final state playoff game after apparently scoring the winning TD in the last minute of the game, only to have it taken away by the officials because they said my back moved when their DE jumped offside (Yeah, that's exactly what they said!).
The other loss was an ugly blowout loss to the top ranked team in our division who basically poured it on us. We had only won 1 game, I was an assistant, and had to restrain one of our other assistant coaches from going after the opposing HC after the game.
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Post by s73 on May 29, 2014 7:56:39 GMT -6
I personally feel that some people are posting extremes here, not leaving room for gray. I posted before that if we lose a game to a significantly better team then I can live w/ it and move on. If we lose to a team that is equal or lesser than us then I struggle w/ that.
What has taken me back a bit on this thread is how many people have posted that "they owe it to their family to be over it". Maybe I'm off but I think this is extreme. I can be kind of down about a game w/o it having a detrimental effect on my family.
Sure it's a game and life goes on, but disappointment is a natural human reaction and I have a lot of trouble fully buying into anyone who says by the next morning regardless of what happened they are good to go w/o dwelling on any one thing at all what so ever.
We lost 3 games last season by a total of 11 points. I think its; perfectly normal and natural to be a bit melancholy and slightly distracted at times through out the season when this is happening and I believe it's no different than any other guy who is having a tough week or 2 at work and goes out to work in the yard to gather his thoughts. I'm just not seeing this as an " I owe it to my family to deny my emotions" kind of deal.
Lastly, If you really put your best efforts into something and your not disappointed or it doesn't carry w/ you for a bit then I question are you truly giving your best. Not looking to call anybody out, just simply saying if you really care and your name is stamped on the program and that program is not performing to expectations then I think it's normal, natural and even healthy to have some self reflection and feel some pain through out the course of a season. I don't believe this is short changing your family. I believe this is just life. It happens in all walks and professions. Just have to find balance. JMO.
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Post by Wingtman on May 29, 2014 19:19:10 GMT -6
I don't have kids. My wife and I have been married a year (and 4 days). When we were dating she learned that I needed time after the game, win or lose. She also started to cheer for special teams plays (and when something went bad, she knew it would be a long night for me) when I was the ST coordinator. My wife is a fricken saint. I took a job at a program that hadnt won more then one game in about 15 years, but it was close to home...etc. Last year was tough. She was there every Friday Night, no matter what. She also said watching me coach, I'm more attractive, so thats nice. Anyway, part of OUR family dynamic is Friday Night football. Our weekend revolves around what happened Friday night. However, upon reflection by Saturday night, I'm ready to do whatever she likes with a smile on my face.
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Post by lionhart on May 29, 2014 19:52:42 GMT -6
I am also one of those guys who hates losing more than I enjoy winning. Can't seem to figure out how to properly 'handle' a loss. I know, it's a major character flaw of mine, and I'm the first to admit it. I never take it out on my kids or their mother, but I realize I'm difficult to deal with during the season. I will analyze film and beat myself up over it. I guess if there's a silver lining to my personality, it could be that I'm driven to succeed and hopefully that rubs off on the young men I work with.
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Post by mariner42 on May 29, 2014 20:22:51 GMT -6
I don't have kids. My wife and I have been married a year (and 4 days). When we were dating she learned that I needed time after the game, win or lose. She also started to cheer for special teams plays (and when something went bad, she knew it would be a long night for me) when I was the ST coordinator. My wife is a fricken saint. I took a job at a program that hadnt won more then one game in about 15 years, but it was close to home...etc. Last year was tough. She was there every Friday Night, no matter what. She also said watching me coach, I'm more attractive, so thats nice. Anyway, part of OUR family dynamic is Friday Night football. Our weekend revolves around what happened Friday night. However, upon reflection by Saturday night, I'm ready to do whatever she likes with a smile on my face. Way to lock down the keeper. Clearly a smart fella
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biggus3
Sophomore Member
Posts: 178
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Post by biggus3 on May 29, 2014 20:33:43 GMT -6
When it's real bad only one thing can cure me. I go this upscale steakhouse two towns over so that no one will find me. I order three bourbon old fashioneds one before, during and after dinner. I might watch the game on my phone and weep, cuss, or just sit in disbelief. I then eat half a cow. After that, im good and ready for Saturday. Whiskey and dead animals will cure any ail for me
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Post by 90rocket on May 29, 2014 21:47:09 GMT -6
I find it near impossible to watch film after a loss. I typically watch a qtr or two, find what we did wrong and cringe at the fact that I did not teach it well enough at practice.
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Post by rsmith627 on May 30, 2014 7:05:57 GMT -6
I'm really glad I'm not alone in struggling with losses like I do. I don't take it out on my family either. I stay engaged and involved with them on Saturday and as much as I can on Sunday, but my mood is still down, at least internally.
This year, I have decided to overcome this that I am just going to not lose.
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Post by Wingtman on May 30, 2014 13:48:28 GMT -6
When it's real bad only one thing can cure me. I go this upscale steakhouse two towns over so that no one will find me. I order three bourbon old fashioneds one before, during and after dinner. I might watch the game on my phone and weep, cuss, or just sit in disbelief. I then eat half a cow. After that, im good and ready for Saturday. Whiskey and dead animals will cure any ail for me That sounds like a cause and solution to many problems
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Post by coachwoodall on May 31, 2014 11:03:40 GMT -6
I personally feel that some people are posting extremes here, not leaving room for gray. I posted before that if we lose a game to a significantly better team then I can live w/ it and move on. If we lose to a team that is equal or lesser than us then I struggle w/ that. What has taken me back a bit on this thread is how many people have posted that "they owe it to their family to be over it". Maybe I'm off but I think this is extreme. I can be kind of down about a game w/o it having a detrimental effect on my family. Sure it's a game and life goes on, but disappointment is a natural human reaction and I have a lot of trouble fully buying into anyone who says by the next morning regardless of what happened they are good to go w/o dwelling on any one thing at all what so ever. We lost 3 games last season by a total of 11 points. I think its; perfectly normal and natural to be a bit melancholy and slightly distracted at times through out the season when this is happening and I believe it's no different than any other guy who is having a tough week or 2 at work and goes out to work in the yard to gather his thoughts. I'm just not seeing this as an " I owe it to my family to deny my emotions" kind of deal. Lastly, If you really put your best efforts into something and your not disappointed or it doesn't carry w/ you for a bit then I question are you truly giving your best. Not looking to call anybody out, just simply saying if you really care and your name is stamped on the program and that program is not performing to expectations then I think it's normal, natural and even healthy to have some self reflection and feel some pain through out the course of a season. I don't believe this is short changing your family. I believe this is just life. It happens in all walks and professions. Just have to find balance. JMO. I guess I am just a black or white kind of dude. My four year doesn't know a touchdown from a hole in the ground. The only thing he wants to know when I get home if whether or not I brought home a pack of Juicy Fruit for him. My 14 year old will ask how we did, then say 'Oh okay, sorry dad'. Do I get disappointed? NO. I might be disappointed for the kids and worry about their egos, but I only get a few hours a week to focus on being a dad and nothing else and I am not going to be selfish. Maybe I am a bit jaded. I've been beat by a diamond anniversary before, but they could have scored half a hundred more (and they sure tried). Nothing I did nor didn't do that night made a difference in that game. I am no Chip Kelly, Bear Bryant, Mouse Davis, et. al. that is going to make some fantastic call or have some brilliant revelation that will win the ball game. I never have had that Coach Boone moment that makes the "Run 23 Blast, with a backside George reverse" call. If I am going to get upset about how my safety is playing, how we're lacking effort, that we don't understand the whole game plan, or any of the number of things that cause us coaches to fret; then I am going to do that on Tuesday or Wednesday, not Friday night at midnight. Coaches coach and players play.
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Post by s73 on May 31, 2014 19:47:44 GMT -6
I personally feel that some people are posting extremes here, not leaving room for gray. I posted before that if we lose a game to a significantly better team then I can live w/ it and move on. If we lose to a team that is equal or lesser than us then I struggle w/ that. What has taken me back a bit on this thread is how many people have posted that "they owe it to their family to be over it". Maybe I'm off but I think this is extreme. I can be kind of down about a game w/o it having a detrimental effect on my family. Sure it's a game and life goes on, but disappointment is a natural human reaction and I have a lot of trouble fully buying into anyone who says by the next morning regardless of what happened they are good to go w/o dwelling on any one thing at all what so ever. We lost 3 games last season by a total of 11 points. I think its; perfectly normal and natural to be a bit melancholy and slightly distracted at times through out the season when this is happening and I believe it's no different than any other guy who is having a tough week or 2 at work and goes out to work in the yard to gather his thoughts. I'm just not seeing this as an " I owe it to my family to deny my emotions" kind of deal. Lastly, If you really put your best efforts into something and your not disappointed or it doesn't carry w/ you for a bit then I question are you truly giving your best. Not looking to call anybody out, just simply saying if you really care and your name is stamped on the program and that program is not performing to expectations then I think it's normal, natural and even healthy to have some self reflection and feel some pain through out the course of a season. I don't believe this is short changing your family. I believe this is just life. It happens in all walks and professions. Just have to find balance. JMO. I guess I am just a black or white kind of dude. My four year doesn't know a touchdown from a hole in the ground. The only thing he wants to know when I get home if whether or not I brought home a pack of Juicy Fruit for him. My 14 year old will ask how we did, then say 'Oh okay, sorry dad'. Do I get disappointed? NO. I might be disappointed for the kids and worry about their egos, but I only get a few hours a week to focus on being a dad and nothing else and I am not going to be selfish. Maybe I am a bit jaded. I've been beat by a diamond anniversary before, but they could have scored half a hundred more (and they sure tried). Nothing I did nor didn't do that night made a difference in that game. I am no Chip Kelly, Bear Bryant, Mouse Davis, et. al. that is going to make some fantastic call or have some brilliant revelation that will win the ball game. I never have had that Coach Boone moment that makes the "Run 23 Blast, with a backside George reverse" call. If I am going to get upset about how my safety is playing, how we're lacking effort, that we don't understand the whole game plan, or any of the number of things that cause us coaches to fret; then I am going to do that on Tuesday or Wednesday, not Friday night at midnight. Coaches coach and players play. All reasonable points coach. I'm struggling w/ the above logic b/c we aren't NFL guys. I mean I bust my butt in season. I also work hard out of season, but based on some of your guys posts you act like your putting in 120 hours/ week year round. I mean come on fellas. The in season lasts 3-3.5 months. In that time if we're lucky we play maybe 10-11 times. Really lucky maybe 1 or 2 more. In that time if you lose 3-4 games and let's say 1 or 2 of those you should've won, then maybe I'm bummed around the house and distracted maybe 2 weekends in 3 months? The rest of the year I run the weight room and am home by 5. I spend a TON of time w/ my family in the summer (more than dads that don't have summers off that's for sure). Not seeing the problem guys. Heck, by some of the above logic, why are some of you guys on here? Isn't that time you can commit to family? Could be hanging w/ the kids instead talking to schmucks like me. I know that sounds silly. but IMO those who feel they are short changing their families b/c they get distracted occasionally in season sounds just as silly to me. No offense intended to anybody. Just not seeing this angle boys.
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Post by jlenwood on Jun 1, 2014 8:01:21 GMT -6
I don't have kids. My wife and I have been married a year (and 4 days). When we were dating she learned that I needed time after the game, win or lose. She also started to cheer for special teams plays (and when something went bad, she knew it would be a long night for me) when I was the ST coordinator. My wife is a fricken saint. I took a job at a program that hadnt won more then one game in about 15 years, but it was close to home...etc. Last year was tough. She was there every Friday Night, no matter what. She also said watching me coach, I'm more attractive, so thats nice. Anyway, part of OUR family dynamic is Friday Night football. Our weekend revolves around what happened Friday night. However, upon reflection by Saturday night, I'm ready to do whatever she likes with a smile on my face. I was wondering your age, so by this post I am assuming you are a fairly young guy, so here is some advice from an older coach (me). There will come a time in your life when you will have a life changing moment. Maybe it is the birth of a child or a death of a close family member-freind or what ever. At that point you will come too realize that there is a lot of stuff as a younger person/coach we focus like a laser on, and in reflection it just isn't that important. I heard some great words of wisdom from someone once, they said that 99% of the crap we sweat over is just not important. Focus on the 1% of our life that is. This doesn't mean that we are not to put all of our talents and heart into coaching your players, and your commitment to your program. It just means that you need to take some of your own advice that I am sure you give your players, as long as you gave your all to prepare and play the game you can walk away knowing you did what you could. Somebody's gotta lose, and it just so happens it was you that night. Now if you were a heart surgeon and you knicked the wrong artery and somebodies chest exploded on the operating table, I would say yep, that one is gonna cause some lost sleep, but come on...for the $3K I make a year coaching football I am not going to put myself in an early grave over a Friday night loss.
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Post by jg78 on Jun 1, 2014 10:33:34 GMT -6
We all play to win the game, of course, but I think our postgame thoughts and feelings should be on how well the team played relative to its capabilities. I have coached a lot of games that we wouldn't have won on our best day, and I have coached a lot of games where we wouldn't have lost on our worst day. I can recall losses in which I did a better of job of coaching than I did in wins. With all that being the case, I think it's key to keep everything in perspective and to take a realistic approach to things.
As others have said, the games you lose that you can and/or should win hurt the most. And they need to hurt or you're not a very competitive person. But on the flip side, having mental toughness is an important part of coaching as well. Unproductive sulking the morning after a loss doesn't do anything a bit of good. And life in general is too short and precious to spend too much time agonizing over something that is over and done and can't be changed. You have to get over it and go back to the drawing board (like every week, win or lose) and see what you can do to get better for the next game.
As a coach, all you can ever do with your team is improve them. You may not be able to make them great or even average. But you can always make them better and that is where I like to keep my focus. If you do that, you tend to win the games you should and steal one you shouldn't every once in a while.
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