coachriley
Junior Member
"Tough times don't last; Tough people do."
Posts: 406
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Post by coachriley on Sept 2, 2009 0:45:31 GMT -6
Hey everyone, we are coming along decently well. Got some good speed and some talented kids. Anyways, I need some advice fast for a situation with a parent. As some of you know, this is my first youth position and first head coaching position so I am trying to do the best that I can. Well yesterday, my coordinator calls me and tells me to be ready at practice because a parent had been calling him and asking 21 questions about things. Not the normal "why isnt jimmy playing RB, or why isnt he getting more playing time?" No this parent was calling and asking why I (HC) was not going to allow the kids to have their names on the backs of their jerseys and why we decided on blue socks instead of orange, this and that.
Well anyways, we get to practice and he comes up and asks me in person, and I tell him what I told every other parent there before, that we are a team and no one member is going to be singled out. Even ourselves as coaches would not have our names on our shirts (even though we probably wouldnt have anyway) well we go on for about 5 minutes at the beginning of practice and he says "well coach im just letting you know that we are going to probably going to put his name on their anyway". He had also told me they always let us before, this and that, and that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I shut my smart a$$ mouth instead of telling him that he can play youth for 6 years. Well practice continues and his boy gets hurt because he doesnt pay attention and got rattled a little. Well the boys mom comes on the field and openly questions our staffs ability to coach in front of everyone.
Well after practice I was talking to my Team Mom and she told me that there is at least a few other parents who plan on putting their child's name on the jersey even after they all agreed with me when I gave my reasons. Also, I am not the only team in the league that doesnt have nameplates, I know at least a few other teams that dont.
So my question is, should I just stick to my guns and tell them no nameplates? or that and also that any player that has a nameplate is not in the team uniform and will not be allowed to play? My older brother (who is a coach as well) told me to just let it go, it is youth after all. But I can already see that these parents are already turning into cancers on our sidelines while we are practicing. I want to almost just tell them that if they dont like how i coach or disagree with me, then go ahead and take their son because it is because a problem at our practice.
Any advice would be great everyone, I just need to end this as quick as possible.
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coachriley
Junior Member
"Tough times don't last; Tough people do."
Posts: 406
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Post by coachriley on Sept 2, 2009 7:21:34 GMT -6
Yeah it is all up to me and having the names on or not. Whether it is right or not, here I am. and yeah, i know today at practice its going to be a huge distraction from me coaching the kids. But seriously, I know ill be laughing pretty hard once I take a step back from the situation lol.
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Post by dsqa on Sept 2, 2009 8:07:38 GMT -6
Coach,
I normally wouldn't chime in on a frivolous and laughable situation like this, but having worked as an AD and Head Football Coach in a private school setting for many years, my heart goes out to you.
That old adage, "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer," was something I learned. These parents aren't a cancer, they are the nucleus of the brand new Youth team BOOSTER CLUB!
There is a tidbit of wisdom that I learned in all my years doing this, and you can take it with a grain of salt, but at the end of the day in this environment, you have to know where to flex, and where to draw the line.
This was a tough learning process for me, because I had great designs on how I wanted things done, and what I wanted everything to look like. Much of what I wanted never came to be. I spent most of my time running interference on things like this...this is nothing compared to what I encountered.
Here is what I had to come to terms with - what matters most to you as the coach?
Build a list of 5 simple non-negotiables, not wants or things you "like," NON-NEGOTIABLES - things that if broken by parent or player, would compromise you, or staff's authority in a practice, or a game.
For example, "Playing time is not discussed with parents, only kids."
Here is the rationale to parents, players: "We are building men, and it takes a man to approach a coach to request playing time - parents, let your boys become men and talk to me - if afterward, your son feels I was unapproachable, or harsh, you may come in WITH him to hear us talk about what we need to do to get him on the field. I will always be honest, fair, and reasonable about what your son needs to do, to get on the field, and I will create opportunities in practice to let him show me if he can do it. But, if you come parents, those opportunities will diminish, because none of you wants me to be influenced by parents to play one kid over another."
In essence, I had to identify areas that would compromise my decision making process, and authority, where it mattered - in the practice, and in the game. I used everything else, including dress code, etc. as a way to give the players and parents a sense that they were getting all kinds of input to the program, when "in reality" - those things just didn't matter in the big scheme of things.
This may require a little "letting go" of some "sacred cows", but in the end you will have a greater influence than you realize over the process. Just don't see your capitulation as "giving in" to parents. See it as strategically including them in the process without them getting near the things that matter. Draw the lines very clear for them on paper, and in your meetings with them, and if on occasion they cross it, just gently remind them and send them on their way. It is hard for them to complain when they are given so much access to things, and you are only making a few "policies" they have to follow. This makes it much easier for you to manage as well.
A few other examples, "Be as late as you want to practice, don't even come, that is just fine, there is no extra running, but for every time you're late, it costs you a quarter, and if you miss, it costs you a half."
Rationale: "Parents, we understand you have busy lives, so do we, and there are important things you have to do with your kids. We have absolutely no problem with that, if you realize that we need to reward those who can make practice a priority in their schedule. We will not berate your son for missing, or being late, just understand he will forfeit his game opportunity to someone who was there. If you miss repeated practices, or are late, it can cost the athlete's position on the depth chart, because we have to prepare, and without him here, we cannot make proper preparation if he doesn't know what we are doing, regardless of how good he is."
When aggressive parents pursue trivial matters with you, just explain that you really appreciate their observations, and if you can, get them to lead the charge to make happen what it is that they are saying isn't right. We had problems getting our kids fed well before games, some parents complained, I formed a committee around the concerned moms, expressed my deep appreciation, and my kids ate like kings for the rest of the season, and I had a group of team moms for YEARS!
Where to flex, where to draw the line. Fall back to what matters most, ask your coaches to help set the simple non-negotiables, and roll with the rest.
Hope that helps.
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Post by eickst on Sept 2, 2009 9:30:36 GMT -6
I don't allow names on jerseys, I also do not allow single digit numbers.
You get some flak for it up front, but I've never had happen to me what's happening to you.
My advice is to hold a parent meeting immediately and state your position again, and remind everyone that if they wanted input on coaching decisions they should have volunteered to be a coach. But since most of them balked at that opportunity because they are too "busy" (even though they sit and watch the entire practice anyway), they really don't get a say. Next year they can apply to be head coach and run things their way if they want.
It's not a democracy, it's a dictatorship.
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coachriley
Junior Member
"Tough times don't last; Tough people do."
Posts: 406
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Post by coachriley on Sept 2, 2009 9:55:02 GMT -6
eickst, i dont allow the single digit numbers either. This is only the second day of the problem but i am already tired of it. i am going to have a meeting at the beginning of practice while my coordinator starts the kids off and basically tell them exactly what you said eickst. Thanks everyone for your responses so far
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Post by ampipebulldog on Sept 2, 2009 10:50:00 GMT -6
Interesting discussion. Just to be fully honest, I have names on the back and they can have any number they want. The reason is, I have other stuff I want to be rigid on, and this seems to make people happy, it is a great leveraging tool. Also, I consider my job as a youth coach to be a fundamental expert and for the kids to have fun so they want to play in middle school and high school. Whatever I can do to make this fun will keep them in the game until they mature to understand some of the intangibles. I can respect and understand the position some of you take on this, but this is just a different perspective to toss in the conversation.
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Post by coachdoug on Sept 2, 2009 11:04:27 GMT -6
Coach - you need to hold a parents' meeting ASAP and get this straightened out. I would encourage you to consider Darin's advice and think about what is really important to you and your team. I've had teams with names on the jerseys and it didn't hurt a thing. The only thing I would insist upon is if you're going to have them, then EVERY player has them, so (if this is something you're willing to compromise on), have a parent committee that gets the nameplates for every player. A few things that are non-negotiables for us: - We don't discuss playing time or positions with parents other than to explain what Jr needs to do to improve.
- Parents are not to step on the playing field at any time for any reason unless a coach invites them. Even if Jr is injured - our coaches are first aid/CPR trained and can handle any injury. If it is serious, we'll get the parent and bring them onto the field, so there is absolutely no reason for a parent to step on the field. If a parent has to get a message to a player (about a ride, or his medication, or instructions for after practice, etc.) the parent is to get a coach's attention, tell the coach the message and then the coach can decide to either relay the message or allow the parent to talk directly to the player.
- We don't discuss schemes/play design/etc with parents - like eickst said, if they want input on those decisions, they should volunteer to help coach.
Good luck to you coach. If you decide to stick to your guns on the names on the jerseys issue, make sure that you are crystal clear and emphatic that any player that shows up for the game with a name on his jersey will either have that name removed or he will not play - and the parents will be responsible for the cost of any damage done to the jersey to remove the nameplate.
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coachriley
Junior Member
"Tough times don't last; Tough people do."
Posts: 406
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Post by coachriley on Sept 2, 2009 11:16:14 GMT -6
I am getting a lot of really great ideas here. About the committee thing for everybody to have their name, i may propose that i will allow names if they form a committee to do a fundraiser to pay for every player so everyone is still a team. I know this shouldnt be a major issue but i think i just dont want this to grow into something bigger during the season.
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Post by eickst on Sept 2, 2009 15:00:54 GMT -6
Well, one of the reasons I do not allow names on our jerseys, aside from the team/individual thing, is monetary.
Our league makes you buy the jersey if you put a name on it. At $45 each. Not everyone can afford that. I will not have half the team with, and half the team without and have to explain to a kid why so and so has his name on his jersey but he doesn't get to have it. And I am not going to ask people to pay $45 for jerseys. So I say no names
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Post by coachdoug on Sept 2, 2009 15:38:14 GMT -6
Well, one of the reasons I do not allow names on our jerseys, aside from the team/individual thing, is monetary. Our league makes you buy the jersey if you put a name on it. At $45 each. Not everyone can afford that. I will not have half the team with, and half the team without and have to explain to a kid why so and so has his name on his jersey but he doesn't get to have it. And I am not going to ask people to pay $45 for jerseys. So I say no names Yeah, I would agree with that - either EVERYONE gets his name on his jersey or NO ONE does. If the people that want it, want it badly enough to do the fundraising (or will just pay for everyone themselves), then I don't have a problem with it. Otherwise, forget it - no names. I would also be clear that there will be no screwing around with, "Oh, I guess we missed a few ... oh, well" - I would tell them emphatically that if EVERY kid doesn't have it on his jersey at the start of the first game, we're taking them all off the others and there will be NO refund or reimbursement of any kind - get it right for EVERYONE or you lose on all fronts - no questions asked, no discussion, and no excuses.
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spurred
Sophomore Member
Posts: 101
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Post by spurred on Sept 2, 2009 20:21:17 GMT -6
That is our reasoning behind no names on our jerseys.....we want to be able to use the jerseys for several years if they hold up. I really don't get that riled up at parents, unless they tell me how to coach. I had one dad tell me something in between games when I was trying to get to the restroom, and I grabbed my game roster and gave him a shocked look and said "There must be a mistake, you aren't named as a coach...." Since that I haven't ever had problems.
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coachriley
Junior Member
"Tough times don't last; Tough people do."
Posts: 406
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Post by coachriley on Sept 2, 2009 22:53:16 GMT -6
Thank you everyone for your great advice today. I was able to handle the situation well so I dont have to deal with it anymore and was able to have a really good practice.
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Post by coachdoug on Sept 2, 2009 23:52:18 GMT -6
Congratulations coach, I hope you don't have to deal with this situation again the rest of the season. Please share what you told the parents and what their response was so other coaches in similiar situations might learn from your experience.
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coachriley
Junior Member
"Tough times don't last; Tough people do."
Posts: 406
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Post by coachriley on Sept 3, 2009 7:29:21 GMT -6
well I took in everybodys advice and told them that if they want to do a fundraiser or get a sponsorship to pay for it, then the players could have it. But EVERYONE has to have their name on their jersey, nobody is to be "forgotten about" or "skipped over". Everyone seemed to take this in very well. Also, when I spoke with my Team Mom yesterday after practice, she was really surprised by how that father had acted, apparently hes a really nice guy when his other half isnt around lol
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Post by ramsfootball on Sept 8, 2009 14:52:53 GMT -6
In our league the by-laws state that no team is allowed to personalize their jersey's with names. However, each team gets sponsored and that sponsor is named on each jersey. Just another easy way to diffuse a potential problem with names on jerseys.
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Post by coachdawhip on Dec 10, 2017 19:54:02 GMT -6
non-negotiables every program must have them.
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Post by coachcb on Dec 12, 2017 13:51:45 GMT -6
After one of my seasons coaching youth football, I went to the commissioner of the league and asked him to ban names on the backs of uniforms. Honestly, I wasn't standing on any principle; I had parents who couldn't afford to put their kids' names on the backs of their jerseys. Seven out of our twenty-two kids didn't have their names on their jerseys and I felt bad for them. And, many coaches were seeing that all over the league.
I asked that either the league dues pay for names on the jersey or we put a stop to it altogether. He decided to ban them.
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Post by 3rdandlong on Jan 26, 2018 11:02:47 GMT -6
We as coaches decide what we want to make a big deal and what we don't want to make a big deal. I once worked for a coach who was adamant about sock color at practice. The kids had to wear white socks or else there was a physical reprimand after practice (bear crawling, rolling, etc.). He was sure that it needed to happen and that it was symbolic of discipline and uniformity. He would complain that it wasn't a big deal years prior but that players now had little regard for discipline because they weren't wearing white socks which meant more sock discipline at the end of practice.
One thing I began to notice on campus was that kids didn't wear white socks to school anymore. When I was a kid, everyone wore white socks. You didn't wear socks with multiple colors or designs. It wasn't cool back then. Well, times have changed. This is what kids were doing now so they simply practiced in the socks that they wore to school which is exactly what we did when we were in school, only that the socks we were wearing were white.
I decided that this sock issue wasn't worth the fight once I became a head coach. At first it drove me crazy seeing these bizarre looking socks at practice, but in the long run, it didn't hurt the way we practiced. It didn't mean we were any less disciplined. It didn't effect whether we won or lost games, therefore it didn't matter to me.
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Post by jrk5150 on Jan 26, 2018 11:22:45 GMT -6
The current thing we get is the kids who tuck their shirt sleeves up over their shoulder pads to get a "sleeveless" look. Just a few kids tend to do it. Usually kids that play in the backfield, LOL. They did it in practice, can't remember if they did it in games of if the refs put the kibosh on that.
I don't remember because I couldn't have possibly cared less. I care about focus, effort, and execution. But a coach from the next age level up was hanging around before our practice talking to them about how that sh*t wouldn't fly next year, blah blah blah. He's an idiot anyway.
Frankly, I think our kids got it from girl's sports. I know a lot of girls' basketball and soccer players have been doing that for a while.
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Post by 3rdandlong on Jan 26, 2018 13:52:19 GMT -6
The current thing we get is the kids who tuck their shirt sleeves up over their shoulder pads to get a "sleeveless" look. Just a few kids tend to do it. Usually kids that play in the backfield, LOL. They did it in practice, can't remember if they did it in games of if the refs put the kibosh on that. I don't remember because I couldn't have possibly cared less. I care about focus, effort, and execution. But a coach from the next age level up was hanging around before our practice talking to them about how that sh*t wouldn't fly next year, blah blah blah. He's an idiot anyway. Frankly, I think our kids got it from girl's sports. I know a lot of girls' basketball and soccer players have been doing that for a while. I see that one a lot too. The other thing I see is guys who put their jersey on halfway during warm ups. Don't know why but it drives me nuts. You can see their shoulder pads and everything. A very sloppy look IMO.
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Post by bobgoodman on Jan 26, 2018 21:12:52 GMT -6
As I think about this, I'm wondering what, or who, personalized game jerseys are for. If you want to find your friend on the field, it doesn't seem it'd be that hard to memorize his #, esp. when the #s are mandatory, and bigger & hence easier to see.than a name would be.
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klaby
Junior Member
Posts: 389
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Post by klaby on Jul 25, 2018 10:53:44 GMT -6
Hey I am little bored during lunch and fell across this.....if the kid owns the jersey and the parent paid for the jersey, then pick your battles. if the program owns the jersey then no, no name. Kids love this crap, why not let them love it. That kid on your team that will play like 3 snaps will get more out of his name on his jersey, and may even come back and may even grow and become a better player. He will wear that with pride at school and all year, it will mean more to him than the 4 plays he will get. My kid plays hockey and football. His football jersey no name, the program owns the jersey so no name. I own his hockey jersey and every kid has his/her name on the back. My kid loved it when he was in youth hockey. Now HS hockey he doesn't care either way. Cost I hear all the time. Find a local dude to heat transfer, its like $12 a jersey if that. if they want more find another guy trust me it doesn't cost that much to cut vinyl and heat transfer it. now tackle twill, hell yea big money...I get the we are all one, and all that. but the kids really love this stuff, and if it keeps them coming back and playing, then I say do it. Trust me there are way worse crap coming your way than some letters on a jersey....
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