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Post by fantom on Apr 24, 2019 9:29:01 GMT -6
Recently heard from a former player who was a notorious hypochondriac. I was wondering if any of you had good stories.
One guy who played for us was a great player-got a scholarship to an ACC school- but had the same pattern EVERY game. Every week, always in a clutch situation, he'd lay out on the ground, writhe around in "agony", go to the bench, flex his knee for a second, then get up off the bench like he had a rocket up his a$$ and sprint back into a game after missing maybe one play. This became so obvious that this once happened: Our booth coach had a couple of stoners sitting in front of the booth. When Chris went down Cheech said, "Man, somebody's hurt". Chong perused the situation and replied, "It's OK. It's just Chris". I should add that Chris had necer had a serious injury that would make him particularly cautious.
Another guy was a drama king and all of the players knew it. After one game he started screaming that he'd dislocated his hip, dropped to the floor and did the gator, screaming like somebody was amputating his foot without anesthesia. His mom ran onto the bus in a panic. We called the ambulance which too him to the hospital. Evaluated and released.
Another time at halftime we were jogging single-file to the locker room. I was in back and noticed that the line was snaking away from the path then moving on without breaking stride. Mike was laying out after "stepping on a stump and spraining his knee". Each kid mumbled, "It's just Mike" then moved on without breaking stride.
This led to one of the funniest lines that I've heard on the practice field. As we were practicing an ambulance drove by. One of the coaches turned to Mike and said, "Mike, your ride's here"
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Post by coachcb on Apr 24, 2019 10:44:42 GMT -6
One kid in particular will always stand out in my mind:
He a junior, a good kid, hard worker and a decent LB for us. But, there was ALWAYS something wrong with this player. He'd get popped in a drill, limp off to the sideline, gasping in pain and then be right back at it a few reps later. The trainer was looking at him every other day; his knee, his ankles, his shoulders, etc.etc.. He'd have both ankles taped every day, a brace on both knees and kinesio tape on his shoulders. His mom would check him out of school for chiropractor visits every other week as well. But, he'd never miss practice and was one of our best LBs so we played him. Many of the kids friggin' hated him and we actually ran a couple of them for putting a box of tampons in his locker.
During the first quarter of a playoff game, he got absolutely drilled by a WR on a crack block; completely flat-backed. He laid out there on the field, not moving and we thought the kid had been knocked out or worse. His mom rushed out onto the field ahead of the coaches and EMTs when he got popped and she was hysterical. She was so worked up that the EMTs asked her to leave so they could evaluate him. We sat there for forty five minutes as they evaluated him and they ended up bringing out a neck immobilizer and a backboard for him.
They took him to the hospital, we played the game and, low and behold, he showed up at the locker room about twenty minutes after the game was over. There was literally nothing wrong with him. NOTHING. He didn't even get a concussion from from the hit. The worst that happened? He got the wind knocked out of him.
He expected a hero's welcome after all of that but we'd just lost the game and the seniors were devastated as we expected to go much deeper into the play offs. We had a rough night on defense as we didn't have much depth at LB and this kid's backup shouldn't have been on the field in a playoff game. The HC was addressing the team when the kid walked in wearing his letterman's jacket, a smile on his face. A senior captain took one look at him, yelled "you &^%$ing p-ssy!" and went after him. We had to drag him off and kick our hypochondriac out of the locker room as the rest of the team was ready to kill him.
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Post by fkaboneyard on Apr 24, 2019 10:46:47 GMT -6
We had a kid – SUPER put together, athletic, and looked like he would easily play in the NFL someday. But he was the dramatic type that every minor inconvenience in his life was the end of the world. The HC loved the kid and only saw the kid’s upside, the OC hated the kid because, as he said, “The kid has a lot of quit in him.” To make matters worse his dad was Lavar Ball before there was a Lavar Ball and was constantly trashing the staff for not using his son properly. Around midseason the kid got dumped by his cheerleader girlfriend and he went into the toilet and cut practice twice. The HC made excuses for him and played him on Friday night. He was playing awful and at halftime the kid’s dad was wearing out the HC. Just before we were to receive the kickoff the kid was on the sideline shrieking and crying, “I’m having a heart attack!” It was clearly designed to elicit some kind of sympathy from his ex-girlfriend just 10 feet away. The HC had finally had enough and said, “To have a heart attack you have to have a heart. You have NO heart. Get your ass in the game.” Which made everybody around either gasp or laugh. The kid jumped up and ran onto the field, then broke off an 80+ KOR for a score. This is the same kid that literally took himself out of our playoff game that year because an opposing player got his finger into the earhole of his helmet and scratched his ear. He said he might go deaf from it. He went to a JC and washed out after two weeks of practice. |
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Post by mkuempel on Apr 24, 2019 11:23:57 GMT -6
Had a player a few years ago come out for football for the first time as a freshman, probably shouldn't have been out, but we were in no position to turn kids away. Anyway, kid takes a pretty good shot in a tackling drill and starts coughing pretty good. Trainer comes over to check him out, he's coughing, can't talk in complete sentences, only getting a couple words out at a time before another coughing spell. One of the attractive female trainers walks by with water for the group across the field, his coughing spell stops for about 30 seconds as she walks by, trainer looks at me, we both know whats going on, she gets back to the gator and his coughing spell starts all over again. Trainer says, "maybe we should just have you go sit near her for a while, your coughing stopped when she walked by." The kid thought it was a great idea.
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Post by coachcb on Apr 24, 2019 13:31:50 GMT -6
We had a kid – SUPER put together, athletic, and looked like he would easily play in the NFL someday. But he was the dramatic type that every minor inconvenience in his life was the end of the world. The HC loved the kid and only saw the kid’s upside, the OC hated the kid because, as he said, “The kid has a lot of quit in him.” To make matters worse his dad was Lavar Ball before there was a Lavar Ball and was constantly trashing the staff for not using his son properly. Around midseason the kid got dumped by his cheerleader girlfriend and he went into the toilet and cut practice twice. The HC made excuses for him and played him on Friday night. He was playing awful and at halftime the kid’s dad was wearing out the HC. Just before we were to receive the kickoff the kid was on the sideline shrieking and crying, “I’m having a heart attack!” It was clearly designed to elicit some kind of sympathy from his ex-girlfriend just 10 feet away. The HC had finally had enough and said, “To have a heart attack you have to have a heart. You have NO heart. Get your ass in the game.” Which made everybody around either gasp or laugh. The kid jumped up and ran onto the field, then broke off an 80+ KOR for a score. This is the same kid that literally took himself out of our playoff game that year because an opposing player got his finger into the earhole of his helmet and scratched his ear. He said he might go deaf from it. He went to a JC and washed out after two weeks of practice. Two years ago, we had a kid on the basketball team pull something similar. His girlfriend dumped him at school that day but he dressed out for the basketball game that night. He came out on the floor for warm-ups and saw that she was in the stands as she played in pep-band. He takes one look at her and disappears into the locker room. I was the AD and I watched the HC go in and try to figure out what was going on with the kid. He came out and found me: "Billy is bawling his eyes out in a toilet. He says he won't come out of the locker room until the game is over. Can you go and try to talk to him?" I walk in and it sounds like an animal is dying in the damn bathroom; the kid is literally wailing. "Uhh.. Billy, what's going on?" (Between wailing and sobbing): "Suzy... Is... Out... There.... I CAN'T PLAY KNOWING SHE'S WATCHING ME!!!" "Billy, I know you're having a tough time but you've gotta get it together. Your team needs you tonight." "Mr. Coachcb... I can't play if I know she's there. Can you ask her to leave?" "Bud, I can't ask her to leave the game because you guys broke up.." "Fine, I'll just stay in here the whole game!!" "You can't sit in the locker room unattended, Billy. If you can't play tonight, then you need to go and sit with your team." "I CAN'T EVEN BE IN THE SAME GYM WITH HER!! PLEASE LET ME STAY IN THE LOCKER ROOM!!" "I can't let you stay in the locker room. If you can't be in the gym with her then you're going to have to go home, my friend." "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSED I'LL BE IF I WALK OUT OF THE GYM RIGHT NOW!! I'M STAYING IN HERE!!" So, I have to go, explain the situation to the HC and have the principal and his mother get his a-- out of the locker room.. |
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