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Post by coachnichols on Feb 27, 2019 15:27:37 GMT -6
We all have to deal with negativity and negative people, but my question is about a specific situation.
Without going into great detail, let's just say you have a player that has proven to be a negative element. How would you deal with this going into the season? Has anyone straight up told a player, don't come out for football?
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Post by fantom on Feb 27, 2019 15:35:38 GMT -6
How do you define "negative influence"?
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Post by chi5hi on Feb 27, 2019 18:25:55 GMT -6
Your question is about "...a specific situation." but I don't know what YOUR definition is for "...a negative element."
"negative element" is kind of non-specific.
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Post by larrymoe on Feb 27, 2019 19:47:38 GMT -6
A lot of people think I'm negative because I'm not ever going to put on a stupid grin and blow sunshine up your ass. As Metallica would say, so what?
If the kid shows up, does what's asked and is a contributor, who cares if he's grouchy?
Now, if he's undermining negative, adios muchacho.
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Post by canesfan on Feb 27, 2019 21:30:43 GMT -6
Nothing wrong with it IMO. Can’t let one person ruin the rest of the kid’s playing experience. I usually have a conversation with them in their exit interview for the season and address these issues. They seem to work themselves out. Kid will straighten out or quit.
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Post by agap on Feb 27, 2019 21:57:10 GMT -6
A lot of people think I'm negative because I'm not ever going to put on a stupid grin and blow sunshine up your ass. As Metallica would say, so what? If the kid shows up, does what's asked and is a contributor, who cares if he's grouchy? Now, if he's undermining negative, adios muchacho. I remember hearing that song for the first time. |
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Post by bobgoodman on Feb 27, 2019 22:40:44 GMT -6
Without going into great detail, let's just say you have a player that has proven to be a negative element. I'm afraid you are going to have to go into great detail. |
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Post by MICoach on Feb 28, 2019 6:42:13 GMT -6
Some of our coaches were ready to give two kids the "don't come out for football" talk last year. One ended up leading the team in interceptions and the other might be a captain as a senior.
Obviously these are exceptional situations, but I'm not in the business of turning kids down. I might be hard on them and have a straight forward conversation with them before the season on how they're perceived.
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Post by cwaltsmith on Feb 28, 2019 8:09:21 GMT -6
Some kids have the reject it before it rejects you complex... Being negative out loud is a defense mechanism for them... doesn't justify it, but before I got rid of the kid I would talk to him about it... You can't change them all completely and wont change some at all... but you got a shot to help shape a few.
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Post by fkaboneyard on Feb 28, 2019 8:51:49 GMT -6
As a JV HC I had a kid (sophomore) on the team that thought he was being funny but really was just negative. He was a terrible football player but we had to play him because we had very few kids on the team. I wanted to bench him but the varsity HC (head of the program) thought he would eventually be good and told me to play him. His reasoning was that the kid's older brother had played QB for him and he was really good.
The kid played defensive back and was good for 2-3 pass interference calls every game (and I realize it sounds like I'm exaggerating but it's the truth). As awful as that sounds, that wasn't his worst quality. He took immense pleasure in ripping a select group of his teammates and clowning them every chance he got. He tried to do it in a funny way but he was absolutely merciless. It went on all throughout practice, during games, during film review. A lot of kids absolutely hated him and a few wanted to quit because of him. He literally took the fun out of football for all of the coaching staff and most of his teammates. In spite of multiple conversations and discipline attempts with him he would not change. I wanted to boot him from the team but the varsity HC would not allow it. I've never hated a kid before but he got me close to it. The last game of the season the varsity HC made an appearance at the game and tore into me when he saw the kid on the sidelines, told me to put him in. The kid stood nearby and said, "Told ya you should be playing me, dumbass." In that moment the HC finally understood it and told the kid to go sit down. After the game he told him to never come out for football again.
I coached the kid in varsity baseball the following Spring. At the beginning of the season I laid out the ground rules for him and let him know he was already on the edge of a crumbling cliff before the season even started. He was okay for a while but our third game into the season he started verbally abusing me from the dugout while I coached third. I immediately dismissed him from the dugout and told him to go sit with his parents. After the game I spoke to him and his parents. They were apologetic, mom was bawling, the kid was standing there stonefaced like he was waiting in line at the post office. I ejected him from the team on the spot. The following year he came out again and I told him, "I have a hair trigger on you. Once incident, ONE SINGLE INCIDENT, and you're gone." I figured he would be past tense in a week but he kept his mouth shut the whole year and finished.
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Post by coachnichols on Feb 28, 2019 17:00:22 GMT -6
Thank you men. First, of all, I'm sorry I didn't give more background info on the specifics. Second, reading your responses has made me reflect on why I feel how I feel.
To keep it simple: this is an issue I (and I'm guessing a lot of us) have had before. I should have said the type of kids that are cancers. Their negativity just brings everyone down. Negative comments meant as jokes, bullying of smaller/younger kids, negative comments on social media...nothing so bad that they should be thrown of the team immediately, but the general attitude and actions of the kids just tell you that you (as a coach) don't want them around.
To refer back to what I wrote at the beginning, I don't like the idea of telling a kid "don't come out", but I cannot let cancers stick around. I will have another conversation with them and the parents.
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Post by fkaboneyard on Mar 1, 2019 8:22:20 GMT -6
A lot of time the parents aren't unaware that their kid is a turd. In the case I described above the kid's parents said "he's the same way at home, we don't know what to do." They didn't have any hard feelings over me giving their son the boot.
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lmorris
Sophomore Member
Posts: 195
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Post by lmorris on Mar 1, 2019 8:37:40 GMT -6
Had a principal pull me aside my second year as a head JH coach. Had an issue with a couple of kids....he said the easiest thing you can do is cut them, but we didn't get in this business for easy. We got in this profession to help young boys turn into productive men.
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Post by Defcord on Mar 1, 2019 12:19:46 GMT -6
I am not coaching asssholes. A kid doesn't have to play with a smile, but if he is ruining other people's day then I don't want to be around him.
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Post by larrymoe on Mar 1, 2019 12:43:59 GMT -6
We got in this profession to help young boys turn into productive men. Not to derail the thread, but his is a relatively new directive in coaching IMO. |
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Post by MICoach on Mar 1, 2019 13:10:46 GMT -6
We got in this profession to help young boys turn into productive men. Not to derail the thread, but his is a relatively new directive in coaching IMO. I wouldn't say it makes it any less relevant though. Maybe there's less tough love in the sense of just giving kids the boot now than there was 10, 20, 50 years ago...but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I don't get a bonus for making the playoffs or even winning a state title (maybe a free hoodie) - I hate losing, but coaching high school kids is definitely about more than just winning and cutting kids who make your life a little harder. With that said, some of the stories above would test my patience... |
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Post by Defcord on Mar 1, 2019 13:21:25 GMT -6
Not to derail the thread, but his is a relatively new directive in coaching IMO. I wouldn't say it makes it any less relevant though. Maybe there's less tough love in the sense of just giving kids the boot now than there was 10, 20, 50 years ago...but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I don't get a bonus for making the playoffs or even winning a state title (maybe a free hoodie) - I hate losing, but coaching high school kids is definitely about more than just winning and cutting kids who make your life a little harder. With that said, some of the stories above would test my patience... I think too often people look at coaching as one of only a few avenues to influence people in a positive way. The most motivating people I have encountered in life try to have a meaningful impact on all people they associate with. I don't think coaches have or should have a monopoly on molding young men. Nor do I feel they should be encouraged to do that as their primary endeavor. |
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Post by MICoach on Mar 1, 2019 13:45:49 GMT -6
I think too often people look at coaching as one of only a few avenues to influence people in a positive way. The most motivating people I have encountered in life try to have a meaningful impact on all people they associate with. I don't think coaches have or should have a monopoly on molding young men. Nor do I feel they should be encouraged to do that as their primary endeavor. I agree with all of that. I'm far from a "woe is me, teaching is so hard, I'm a martyr" type of teacher/coach - I make some decisions for myself when I think that's what I need to do and what is best/most reasonable. But I find that when i get into a "What should I do about this?" type of situation I revert back to whatever is going to be best for the kid - if I'm unsure or it's unclear then that's usually the right choice. |
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Post by larrymoe on Mar 1, 2019 16:07:21 GMT -6
Not to derail the thread, but his is a relatively new directive in coaching IMO. I wouldn't say it makes it any less relevant though. Maybe there's less tough love in the sense of just giving kids the boot now than there was 10, 20, 50 years ago...but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I don't get a bonus for making the playoffs or even winning a state title (maybe a free hoodie) - I hate losing, but coaching high school kids is definitely about more than just winning and cutting kids who make your life a little harder. With that said, some of the stories above would test my patience... I have tried to give kids the benefit of the doubt as much as possible but what I have found is that about 95% of those end up exactly where we would have if we had just parted ways to begin with. Is the whole of the team worth saving 5%? I don't know. And, personally, I think in the last 5 years the amount of kids that you actually reach and cause actual behavioral change in is less than 5%. |
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