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Post by carookie on Sept 11, 2018 12:06:33 GMT -6
So allow me to preface with this, I know there are more important things than winning football games, that raising up good young men and creating a positive community are more important. Moreover, as a Christian man at a Christian school I recognize that my primary concern is not to merely win football games (far from it).
That being written, the pressure to win really gets to me. Last year was my first year as a HC and we had a very talented team that won a lot (whereas the school had not won a lot before) and did a lot to change the perception of the program. But every week I would quietly suffer through a ton of pressure to win. Throughout the days leading up to the game I'd have tightness in the chest, numbness in my arms, and struggle to stay focused. This year we are a lot bigger team, but not nearly as good; and the pressure has been far worse, and by pressure I mean the pressure to win.
Whats crazy is that I have never been someone to suffer from stress related issues. I am very low key, don't flip out, workout constantly, am healthy and have always been a very calm person. I've always been the biggest optimist I know, but for some reason this has been heavy on me. (side note, it is no way the workload, I am good getting things done efficiently and in plenty of time- it is as far as I can tell strictly about the pressure to win games).
I finally came clean about my suffering with my wife, I didn't want her worrying but she could tell something was wrong. I keep reminding myself that things are good, there are more important things; but the threat of losing leaves me with a feeling of failing the kids, the school, and the community. I know we are doing things the right way, but if we lose I feel as if it will diminish what we have done and cause people to question what we have done and do things the wrong way.
My question is how do you all deal with this or similar type issues?
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Post by CS on Sept 11, 2018 12:18:13 GMT -6
That’s hard and I know where you are coming from. Our community expects winning so much so that we received a lot of backlash because our JV team lost big one week.
Beer helps and talking with my wife always calms me down. Other than that a good weight session and reminding yourself that if you do lose and they run you out there was nothing else you could be doing to win. Knowing I’m doing as good of a job as I can helps me with it all
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Post by planck on Sept 11, 2018 12:26:52 GMT -6
Basically, I ignore parents and the community as much as possible. Most of them don't know {censored}, but like to run their mouths. You know if you're doing your job well, and you know if you're not. Whether you win or lose them all really isn't the best metric of if you're doing a good job.
If somebody wants to fire you for not winning enough, and you think you're doing a good job, odds are they're going to fire the next guy, and the next guy, and the next guy, and so on. Football coaches are competitive by nature, nobody is going to do this job if they think they're not doing it well.
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Post by fkaboneyard on Sept 11, 2018 14:38:48 GMT -6
My best friend is a very accomplished college baseball coach that hung it all up to become a pastor. When I began coaching awhile back the pressure really got to me. I am now an assistant football coach and the head baseball coach for our school. Honestly, I do not enjoy being the baseball HC. I have had great success improving the program but it's always uncomfortable and I can't wait until football starts. I am a great assistant but a lousy HC because I don't like the pressure. When I talked to my buddy he said that being a pastor and a HC are very similar - you will always have pressure and you will always have people that will take shots at you. In spite of all that you do, all of your best intentions there are people that will make unrealistic demands of you and then trash you when you don't meet them. He literally is not bothered by any of it. He said, and I believe him, that some guys are inherently immune to people's criticisms. He's one of them. For the rest of us we have to learn to deal with it, find our peace in the Lord and soldier on. If you're having those kinds of physical reactions to the pressure it's not healthy and you should find something else. I wish you well.
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Post by blb on Sept 11, 2018 14:53:10 GMT -6
carookie You are obviously in coaching for the right reasons. If you are on a level playing field with your opponents, you prepare your kids the best you know how during the week, they go out and compete-play hard - what more can you ask of yourself or them? As coaches we are all competitors and want to win. We too often feel the result is a referendum on us as leaders. Having said that - not everybody is cut out-meant to be a HC. If it is affecting you physically and your personal life (family), after this season is over you need to seriously evaluate your personal-professional goals. I coached 41 years, 31 as a head HS coach. But some of the most enjoyable ones I had was when I WASN'T the HC. As Grandma used to say - "Do the best you can, and if that's not good enough, pizz on it!"
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Post by carookie on Sept 11, 2018 15:12:22 GMT -6
My best friend is a very accomplished college baseball coach that hung it all up to become a pastor. When I began coaching awhile back the pressure really got to me. I am now an assistant football coach and the head baseball coach for our school. Honestly, I do not enjoy being the baseball HC. I have had great success improving the program but it's always uncomfortable and I can't wait until football starts. I am a great assistant but a lousy HC because I don't like the pressure. When I talked to my buddy he said that being a pastor and a HC are very similar - you will always have pressure and you will always have people that will take shots at you. In spite of all that you do, all of your best intentions there are people that will make unrealistic demands of you and then trash you when you don't meet them. He literally is not bothered by any of it. He said, and I believe him, that some guys are inherently immune to people's criticisms. He's one of them. For the rest of us we have to learn to deal with it, find our peace in the Lord and soldier on. If you're having those kinds of physical reactions to the pressure it's not healthy and you should find something else. I wish you well. I appreciate the advice, and I will add this. I have heard nothing but positives from all parties involved (admin, parents, faculty, etc.) The problem, as far as I can tell, is self inflicted. I am putting pressure on myself; or as my wife says I am expecting too much. Is this something ya'll deal with or am I just nuts?
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Post by blb on Sept 11, 2018 15:27:01 GMT -6
I appreciate the advice, and I will add this. I have heard nothing but positives from all parties involved (admin, parents, faculty, etc.) The problem, as far as I can tell, is self inflicted. I am putting pressure on myself; or as my wife says I am expecting too much. Is this something ya'll deal with or am I just nuts?
carookie I don't think you're nuts - but your wife may be right.
You may be a very good teacher-coach who just can't handle the pressure-stress of being a head coach.
That is not a failure, weakness, or personality-character flaw.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2018 17:51:03 GMT -6
Every coach wants to win, youre dead if you don't want to , but if its affecting youre health you need to make some changes , perhaps delegate more responsibilities to your staff, and literally let it be their issues to deal with
Thats hard for some guys, ive seen one case where a HC< stepped away as DC, which he was WELL known for , because he was dealing with health issues and even though they weren't as good defensively under the new DC , the HC said his blood pressure issues were now better, it allowed him to keep doing what he loves
Hey Losing is part of the game too, its more useful than winning because it doesnt lie,it shows you where you are weak, and it serves perhaps the greatest life lesson you could teach a kid
How to get off your a$$ when life knocks you down, because thats all life does
If you keep having health issues, you may have to step away completely.
Remember its a game, concentrate on changing those kids lives for the better it'll serve you better in your later years knowing you changed their lives
Best of luck to you though coach
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Post by freezeoption on Sept 12, 2018 5:56:42 GMT -6
A nice dip of tobacco.
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Post by huddlehut on Sept 13, 2018 4:58:52 GMT -6
This is not intended to be a flippant answer, but having just retired after almost forty years in coaching, I have come to realize that outside of you and your immediate circle of o involvement, really there are not that many folks who really, really care about the wind and losses and what goes on inside of our programs. We get caught up into believing that everyone, everywhere is up in arms...but believe me, they're not! Relax.
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Post by freezeoption on Sept 13, 2018 5:38:52 GMT -6
There are a few and that few is usually the ones that influence the board.
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Post by silkyice on Sept 13, 2018 7:43:11 GMT -6
I know it is cliche, but put pressure on yourself to prepare well and practice well. The process. Etc.
Of course, we all worrying about winning, etc, but worry more about the process.
Exercice helps. Lifting, running, walking, playing basketball. Find something that you can do at least once a week during the season. I always dread my lifting day during the season, but when I finish, I always feel so much better.
Talking with someone, your wife, will also definitely help. Is there an older coach on staff or in school or in town you could talk with? That could help also.
When it is all said and done, just doing your best and helping kids is what it is all about.
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Post by chi5hi on Sept 13, 2018 10:09:45 GMT -6
Did you feel this "pressure" as an AC? I suggest that if you didn't then, but do now...its not necessarily the pressure to win, but the responsibility you feel.
Being a HC means that lots of people jump when you command, and with a loss, you feel that you failed everyone. An AC doesn't get that.
Either you're going to get used to it...or you need to go back the the AC position because you're in the wrong job. Believe me, if you can't shake this the problems (physical and marital) will get worse.
The good news...for me it eventually passed so maybe for you it will, too.
I tacked up a sign in my office once that said "You know, you can't play the game FOR them".
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Post by silkyice on Sept 13, 2018 10:47:08 GMT -6
I watched a video by someone the other day that relates to this.
In short, newscasters after the event would ask the winning Olympic and professional athletes if they were nervous before they performed. He said that the answer was always the same. The athletes responded they were "excited". Nervousness, anxiety, and excitement all produce the same physical sensation. The trick is to tell yourself that you are excited.
Do the same thing for coaching. Prepare them. And then be excited to watch them perform and coach the game.
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Post by carookie on Sept 13, 2018 11:25:11 GMT -6
Did you feel this "pressure" as an AC? I suggest that if you didn't then, but do now...its not necessarily the pressure to win, but the responsibility you feel. Being a HC means that lots of people jump when you command, and with a loss, you feel that you failed everyone. An AC doesn't get that. Either you're going to get used to it...or you need to go back the the AC position because you're in the wrong job. Believe me, if you can't shake this the problems (physical and marital) will get worse. The good news...for me it eventually passed so maybe for you it will, too. I tacked up a sign in my office once that said "You know, you can't play the game FOR them". I would say the feeling was always proportional to my level of responsibility (as a coordinator there was more than when just a position coach). The responsibility still feels as though it is my responsibility to deliver a W
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Post by coachcb on Sept 13, 2018 11:43:40 GMT -6
I know it is cliche, but put pressure on yourself to prepare well and practice well. The process. Etc. Of course, we all worrying about winning, etc, but worry more about the process. Exercice helps. Lifting, running, walking, playing basketball. Find something that you can do at least once a week during the season. I always dread my lifting day during the season, but when I finish, I always feel so much better.Talking with someone, your wife, will also definitely help. Is there an older coach on staff or in school or in town you could talk with? That could help also. When it is all said and done, just doing your best and helping kids is what it is all about. This is hugely important. I only get a day or two in the weight room during the season but I walk for an hour or more every night. I put on music and think about anything BUT football. If I start to ruminate about football, I stop and refocus on something else. ANYTHING else. Also, everyone knows not to contact me when I'm walking, even my girlfriend. Diet is important during the season as well. It's too easy to eat like crap when I'm busy so I've started packing my own lunches and dinners when we're away. I also make sure that I have a ton of decent food in the house for dinner.
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Post by newhope on Sept 20, 2018 15:55:08 GMT -6
The pressure to win comes from within, does it not? I'm much more concerned whether I'm meeting my standards than someone else's. I hate to lose. Period. Isn't that competitive nature what drives most coaches to put in the time and effort that they do?
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Post by carookie on Sept 21, 2018 8:24:15 GMT -6
The pressure to win comes from within, does it not? I'm much more concerned whether I'm meeting my standards than someone else's. I hate to lose. Period. Isn't that competitive nature what drives most coaches to put in the time and effort that they do? Then how do you deal with it so it doesnt manifest itself in a harmful way?
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Post by newhope on Sept 21, 2018 10:03:58 GMT -6
The pressure to win comes from within, does it not? I'm much more concerned whether I'm meeting my standards than someone else's. I hate to lose. Period. Isn't that competitive nature what drives most coaches to put in the time and effort that they do? Then how do you deal with it so it doesnt manifest itself in a harmful way? To be honest, I'm not sure. I think it's why so many coaches burn out or have problems away from the field.
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