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Post by larrymoe on Sept 28, 2017 6:15:16 GMT -6
Had a Sr captain in wrestling tell me he wasn’t going to a Saturday tournament on Friday because he was taking the ACT for the 4th time in an attempt to get into West Point. I asked him what score he needed to get in. He said like a 28. I asked what he had gotten the other 3 times. He said a 22 was his highest. I was then an a-hole because I told him he was wasting his time because he wasn’t going to raise his score that much. Mommy called in to complain that I was “ruining” his dreams and career. Would have been very interesting to see how he handled the nomination process to the Point...even better, how he would have handled life had he accepted an appointment. Agreed. I don't know what became of him. I do know he and another kid made a "I hate Larrymoe" Facebook page after I left that school that year. That story was one of the prominent features of why I sucked. Other gems- I "ruined" a kid's football career by "making him lift weights". Favorite gem of that page- I was supposedly such a bad coach and a loser I couldn't get another job anywhere and they "repeatedly" saw my loser ass working at Lowe's. I don't know that I've been in a Lowe's more than 10 times in my life. I'm more of a Menard's guy.
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Post by wolverine55 on Sept 28, 2017 6:29:58 GMT -6
This isn't really an excuse, but I think it still fits as it involves missed practice(s). At my first coaching job, a kid caught me in passing time and told me he wouldn't be at practice that day. My response was simply, "Uh, okay...thanks for letting me know." The reason my response was so bland is I was caught offguard as the kid had quit and hadn't been at a single practice for a couple weeks. I have absolutely no idea what prompted him to tell me that day he wouldn't be there.
And, I'm highly disappointed the "I hate Larrymoe" page isn't still active; at least I couldn't find it!! And, for you others, yes I know his real name and searched accordingly.
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Post by bignose on Sept 28, 2017 7:19:23 GMT -6
It's not only players who make excuses.
We had a coach have to leave a summer camp program after receiving a text message from his wife.
The coach shared the message with us: "Come home now, I'm ovulating!"
Nine months later he was a daddy.
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Post by olcoach53 on Sept 28, 2017 7:38:50 GMT -6
Oh if we are moving to Coaches I have a doozy. We had a guy, self proclaimed OL/RB guru who routinely took credit for running backs minor success but was never at practice. Our Head Coach showed us the list of excuses this guy would give for WHY he couldn't be at practice with everything from kidney problems to his pipes burst. He was always the first one to ask about coaching gear though and would always ask our HC about "winter gear" for his family pictures. Ironically his last name was Day so he was dubbed "Coach Game Day". We even tried to leave him at school one game by telling him the bus left at a different time...he showed up early. He finally quit midseason MIDGAME when another coach questioned what he was telling the RBs when he was never at practice to coach them up.
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Post by Down 'n Out on Sept 28, 2017 7:50:24 GMT -6
Last week one of our reserve WR/DBs gave incredible effort in practice and I think he is starting to "get it" so I decide since were playing a pass happy team and 2 of my 3 rotating DEs start on the OL that I would work with him as a pass rusher, with the intention of putting him in for a handful of plays. Kids working hard, throw him a bone. Well he misses Monday and Tuesday this week, I ask him yesterday why hadn't he been at practice, his answer "My grandma is in the hospital and I had to stay with her and my little brother while Mom was working Monday, and Tuesday I had to stay home and babysit my little brother while Mom stayed at the hospital with Grandma". My response, "im proud of you for being a good man".
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Post by coachcb on Sept 28, 2017 7:51:25 GMT -6
Two of them: "My dad bought a bulldog puppy and I'm going up to the airport to pick him up and play with him tonight." (The Thursday before our big rival game). "I need to stay home to study for the ACTs, I won't be at practice the rest of the week." (It was September and he wasn't taking the ACTs until February.) Had a Sr captain in wrestling tell me he wasn’t going to a Saturday tournament on Friday because he was taking the ACT for the 4th time in an attempt to get into West Point. I asked him what score he needed to get in. He said like a 28. I asked what he had gotten the other 3 times. He said a 22 was his highest. I was then an a-hole because I told him he was wasting his time because he wasn’t going to raise his score that much. Mommy called in to complain that I was “ruining” his dreams and career. Lol.. We called this kid out on it as well. The HC told him that he'd consider them excused absences but that he wouldn't be playing that weekend and that it was going to affect his playing time for the rest of the season. Mom threw a fit because he son was "trying to become a doctor and needed the highest ACT score possible to get into an Ivy league school!" We didn't argue with her about any of it and just reiterated that he needed to be at practice if he wanted to play. He quit when he didn't get in that weekend.
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Post by fshamrock on Sept 28, 2017 8:35:40 GMT -6
my favorite one is food poisoning. I'm 38 years old and I've had food poisoning maybe once in my life. And I've only known a couple of other people who ever got it...but some of these football players seem to get it bi-weekly.
my favorite non-quit: "coach man I think I'm gonna quit football" "ooh sorry man too late, last week was the last chance for quitting, gotta finish the year now" "oh okay cool"
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Post by silkyice on Sept 28, 2017 8:51:28 GMT -6
It's not only players who make excuses. We had a coach have to leave a summer camp program after receiving a text message from his wife. The coach shared the message with us: "Come home now, I'm ovulating!" Nine months later he was a daddy. That is not an excuse to miss. That is a REASON to miss!!! Probably the best reason.
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Post by murdr on Sept 28, 2017 8:56:48 GMT -6
Had a kid tell me that was why he wasn’t playing just this year. Freshman too. I’m getting too old to fight that level of stupid. I just turned to my assistant and asked if he really said that. Had a kid miss a tournament because he was releasing a rap album that day (5'2, 113 lb red haired kid from a pretty well off family). Also had a kid have his parent call me on a Friday night before our region tournament to ask if it was mandatory because he wanted to go play Magic the Gathering at the local comic shop all day that Saturday. Really amazing I made it 4 years at that school. I have many more stories. Timmy B?
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Post by 50slantstrong on Sept 28, 2017 8:58:05 GMT -6
I posted it in another thread this year but we had a kid miss Labor Day morning practice because he had to "help set up for a pool party". His dad even emailed the HC and told him that, even went on to say it was unprofessional to have practice on Labor Day.
Funny thing is the same parent is at all of our JV games harassing the coaches and telling them they're underachievers.
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Post by fantom on Sept 28, 2017 9:07:11 GMT -6
I posted it in another thread this year but we had a kid miss Labor Day morning practice because he had to "help set up for a pool party". His dad even emailed the HC and told him that, even went on to say it was unprofessional to have practice on Labor Day. Funny thing is the same parent is at all of our JV games harassing the coaches and telling them they're underachievers. Yesterday I heard from a buddy who had a 2 way starter's dad tell him that the kid couldn't be at practice because he had to go home as punishment for getting in trouble at home. When he was told that that meant that the kid wouldn't play in the game Dad got angry and scheduled an appointment with the principal. Some parents just don't get what punishment means. As for the best excuse we've heard, we had a kid call in once because they had a gopher in their house. A freakin' gopher.
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Post by olcoach53 on Sept 28, 2017 9:08:03 GMT -6
Pardon me, but if kill all the gophers they're gonna lock us up and throw away the key....
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Post by 50slantstrong on Sept 28, 2017 9:11:36 GMT -6
I posted it in another thread this year but we had a kid miss Labor Day morning practice because he had to "help set up for a pool party". His dad even emailed the HC and told him that, even went on to say it was unprofessional to have practice on Labor Day. Funny thing is the same parent is at all of our JV games harassing the coaches and telling them they're underachievers. Yesterday I heard from a buddy who had a 2 way starter's dad tell him that the kid couldn't be at practice because he had to go home as punishment for getting in trouble at home. When he was told that that meant that the kid wouldn't play in the game Dad got angry and scheduled an appointment with the principal. Some parents just don't get what punishment means. As for the best excuse we've heard, we had a kid call in once because they had a gopher in their house. A freakin' gopher. Wow. Lucky for us this kid was a reserve JV player. As much as we want to keep our numbers up, it probably would not hurt us one bit if dad took him for "greener pastures"
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Post by blb on Sept 28, 2017 9:13:45 GMT -6
Pardon me, but if kill all the gophers they're gonna lock us up and throw away the key....
That's "golfers," not "gophers."
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Post by fantom on Sept 28, 2017 9:16:02 GMT -6
Most creative attempt at an excuse: Two kids called to say that they couldn't make it because their car broke down on the interstate. You could hear the traffic noise in the background. Found out, though, that they lived near the interstate and walked there and called on their cell phone because they just didn't want to practice.
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Post by larrymoe on Sept 28, 2017 9:42:17 GMT -6
This isn't really an excuse, but I think it still fits as it involves missed practice(s). At my first coaching job, a kid caught me in passing time and told me he wouldn't be at practice that day. My response was simply, "Uh, okay...thanks for letting me know." The reason my response was so bland is I was caught offguard as the kid had quit and hadn't been at a single practice for a couple weeks. I have absolutely no idea what prompted him to tell me that day he wouldn't be there. And, I'm highly disappointed the "I hate Larrymoe" page isn't still active; at least I couldn't find it!! And, for you others, yes I know his real name and searched accordingly. They only used it for a couple months. I didn’t find out about it until about 3years after they stopped using when my mother in law told me about it. She reported it and they took it down. It was so stupid and inaccurate I thought it was hilarious.
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Post by bigdog2003 on Sept 28, 2017 9:43:18 GMT -6
I just turned to my assistant and asked if he really said that. Had a kid miss a tournament because he was releasing a rap album that day (5'2, 113 lb red haired kid from a pretty well off family). Also had a kid have his parent call me on a Friday night before our region tournament to ask if it was mandatory because he wanted to go play Magic the Gathering at the local comic shop all day that Saturday. Really amazing I made it 4 years at that school. I have many more stories. Timmy B? No, but the kid ended up on an episode of that Beyond Scared Straight show because he had started doing things to "get his street cred up".
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Post by larrymoe on Sept 28, 2017 9:49:58 GMT -6
I posted it in another thread this year but we had a kid miss Labor Day morning practice because he had to "help set up for a pool party". His dad even emailed the HC and told him that, even went on to say it was unprofessional to have practice on Labor Day. Funny thing is the same parent is at all of our JV games harassing the coaches and telling them they're underachievers. Had a kids dad call me to let me know he couldn’t make it to a game because he was helping him landscape. I asked why they couldn’t do it some other time. Dad said they had to do it then because he “had his fantasy draft at 730 that night”. I asked him if he felt guilty ruining his son’s chance to play because of his fantasy draft. He then started yelling obscenities and I hung up. Kid quit next week. This is the same kid who texted me and said he couldn’t come to camp “cuz da heat”. He was forever known as da heat.
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Post by hunhdisciple on Sept 28, 2017 9:53:08 GMT -6
Kid: Coach, I'm sorry I missed practice, it's just that my mom worries.
Me: Okay
Kid: Well, she's not my real mom, she adopted me. But she loves me just the same.
Me: Okay
Kid: No! She treats me just like I was her own son! She was worried about the storms in the area yesterday, she didn't want me to get hurt in the tornado.
Me: Well, it didn't really storm here. Plus, we were inside all day
Kid: But she loves me so much that she just was afraid I would get blown away. She said that a tornado could tear the gym apart and we all would have died. Well, you would have died. She kept me at home so I'd still be alive. Can you imagine coach? I'd probably get to start of everybody dies!
Yeah......
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Post by olcoach53 on Sept 28, 2017 10:00:52 GMT -6
Kid: Coach, I'm sorry I missed practice, it's just that my mom worries. Me: Okay Kid: Well, she's not my real mom, she adopted me. But she loves me just the same. Me: Okay Kid: No! She treats me just like I was her own son! She was worried about the storms in the area yesterday, she didn't want me to get hurt in the tornado. Me: Well, it didn't really storm here. Plus, we were inside all day Kid: But she loves me so much that she just was afraid I would get blown away. She said that a tornado could tear the gym apart and we all would have died. Well, you would have died. She kept me at home so I'd still be alive. Can you imagine coach? I'd probably get to start of everybody dies! Yeah...... Was this a high school aged student?
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Post by hunhdisciple on Sept 28, 2017 10:21:55 GMT -6
Kid: Coach, I'm sorry I missed practice, it's just that my mom worries. Me: Okay Kid: Well, she's not my real mom, she adopted me. But she loves me just the same. Me: Okay Kid: No! She treats me just like I was her own son! She was worried about the storms in the area yesterday, she didn't want me to get hurt in the tornado. Me: Well, it didn't really storm here. Plus, we were inside all day Kid: But she loves me so much that she just was afraid I would get blown away. She said that a tornado could tear the gym apart and we all would have died. Well, you would have died. She kept me at home so I'd still be alive. Can you imagine coach? I'd probably get to start of everybody dies! Yeah...... Was this a high school aged student? He was in 9th grade at the time.
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Post by ogre5530 on Sept 28, 2017 10:37:44 GMT -6
This was a few weeks ago with the eclipse...
Player: Coach are we still practicing because of the elicipse?
Me: Yes, why wouldn't we?
Player: My Mom says if we are out during the eclipse we are going to die. (Dead serious thought from kid and Mom)
Me: The eclipse happened 2 hours ago and no, "Timmy" you aren't going to die during an eclipse.
Oh the stories...
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tyhpu10
Sophomore Member
Former OC & DC. Current QB coach. Twitter-@CoachTCrow
Posts: 157
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Post by tyhpu10 on Sept 28, 2017 11:00:15 GMT -6
9th grader shows up late for morning practice. Coach:"Why are you late?" Kid:"My new nanny got lost on the way to school."
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tobc
Probationary Member
Posts: 6
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Post by tobc on Sept 28, 2017 11:02:57 GMT -6
This was a few weeks ago with the eclipse... Player: Coach are we still practicing because of the elicipse? Me: Yes, why wouldn't we? Player: My Mom says if we are out during the eclipse we are going to die. (Dead serious thought from kid and Mom) Me: The eclipse happened 2 hours ago and no, "Timmy" you aren't going to die during an eclipse. Oh the stories... kind of along the same lines........... had a kid miss practice the day of the eclipse because he didn't want to miss the "once in a lifetime" opportunity to witness the eclipse in person. so he hops in a car with his girlfriend and her mom, and they drive all the way to freakin Kansas City to see it. informed him when he got back that there was going to be another eclipse in about 8 years...........he quit 3 days later.
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Post by mnike23 on Sept 28, 2017 11:14:01 GMT -6
bye week excuse were lifting then reviewing film, then on the field. 40+ kids late to lifting. "coach, its the bye week, why we working so hard?" film "coach, why are we going thru this? were 2 weeks from playing them" field "can we go just uppers tomorrow ?" what in the actual fk......
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Post by mnike23 on Sept 28, 2017 11:20:24 GMT -6
coaches im a volunteer, why do i have to go in the box? same coach its my birthday week, i dont think i will make it.
different guy why are you on your phone im teaching virtual school at practice and i have office hours and have to be available to talk to students. well what about coaching our kids oh im doing that too.....
this could go on for hours
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Post by fshamrock on Sept 28, 2017 11:29:37 GMT -6
sometimes I daydream about going to do this job in a non Texas state where the people aren't quite so involved, take in some nice weather, enjoy some new scenery, but then I remember the complaints on this board about volunteer coaches and I rethink the whole thing
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Post by gccwolverine on Sept 28, 2017 11:36:31 GMT -6
One of my personal favorites was- My brother needed shoes and my mom needed me to go to help pick them out. OR Adam had to go the Dr today. Doc says he’s got the die-uh-beetus. He should be over it by Monday though. we get that 1st 1 all the f***ing time. Grandma had to go to the dr. and momma made me go with them. Why? Why in god's green earth did you have to ride along to the dr. with grandma and momma? Or Billy (brother) had to go to the eye dr. and my mom made me go with them. Did you go to the eye dr.? No.... WTF get me a new job someone please.
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Post by gccwolverine on Sept 28, 2017 11:40:44 GMT -6
I know. We're a$$holes I guess... It is always our fault. Had a JV kid get "hurt" last Monday in a JV game. Mom yelled at me because I asked why he wasn't at practice on Tuesday when he had a "really badly bruised hand". Had a kid's mom yell at our HC the other day for playing him in a varsity game...... playing him....... not for not playing him...... for playing him... Kid is a tweener guy at LB but not good enough to where he can't be getting reps on thursday as a sophmore with the JV.... that's exactly what we did he played 2 quarters on thursday in the JV game wrecking people had a really good game..... woke up sore because you know..... FOOTBALL..... went and got 10,000 XRays dr said nothing wrong..... HC asks kid do you have a note from the DR? .... Yes.... "Jayshawn CAN PLAY football nothing is wrong structurally brusiing stiffness and soreness...... He gets put in the game Friday plays well in the 2nd half..... Mom calls HC and bitches saturday..... can't win for loosing man.
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Post by fantom on Sept 28, 2017 11:42:50 GMT -6
One of my personal favorites was- My brother needed shoes and my mom needed me to go to help pick them out. OR Adam had to go the Dr today. Doc says he’s got the die-uh-beetus. He should be over it by Monday though. we get that 1st 1 all the f***ing time. Grandma had to go to the dr. and momma made me go with them. Why? Why in god's green earth did you have to ride along to the dr. with grandma and momma? Or Billy (brother) had to go to the eye dr. and my mom made me go with them. Did you go to the eye dr.? No.... WTF get me a new job someone please. The doctor visits really get to me. I've never seen so many healthy kids taken to the doctors for a checkup. Plus, we practice from 4-6:30. There are doctors that have office hours after 5?
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