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Post by bigdog2003 on Sept 14, 2016 11:03:14 GMT -6
I remember when I was student teaching and my mentor teacher stepped down as Head Basketball coach, I couldn't understand why anybody would step down as the Head Coach. My goal was to be a HC, and I got the Head Wrestling job fresh out of college at a decent size school. I thought it was the greatest thing ever, HC, taking kids to individual state, having region champions, I was living my dream. Fast foward 4 years, and the people around me said they noticed I was changing. Didn't want to do things in my free time, always trying to figure out how to get the program to the next level, studying technique, holding practice 6 days a week, staying after practice to work with kids that wanted extra time, getting home after 9 from practice and around midnight from matches, then getting up at 4:30 am, always stressed about it. I decided before last season to step down, it was the best decision I have made. I feel a lot better, don't feel stressed anymore, not worried about figuring out how to beat teams with youth programs starting at 4 year old when I get kids as freshmen that have never seen wrestling. I knew it was time when we had a new AD come in and his first question was why didn't we make the team playoffs last season? He didn't even introduce himself or ask me to introduce myself, just went straight into that question.
I decided to take last year and this year off from coaching all together. Thinking of starting my masters and then getting back into coaching. I emailed my mentor teacher after I stepped down and told him I understood why he did it. Sure I miss the nearly $5,000 stipend on my check, but I am a lot happier and healthier now.
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Post by carookie on Sept 14, 2016 11:18:10 GMT -6
i was told years and years ago in college, by an old professor who coached just about every sport possible. when you get up and go to "work" it is just that, work. If you get up and go to "school" it is a passion and is enjoyable, it isnt work. up until this last coaching spot I had(got fired day before spring break by an AD 2 months on the job, I wasnt bowing down to him and his lousy coaching advice/career and a principal in his 1st yr) I went to school daily, stressed when it was necessary, busted my tail to make perception not reality, clean up the joint. now, i go to work. daily. looking for that next piece of pie and hoping its the 1 that lasts 25 years. thats the dream job, do what my high school coach did. took over at my school in 1972, retired 1 yr before they consolidated the 2 high schools to 1 in 2013. 31 years in 1 spot, wins, losses, boys to men, men to fathers, those men he coached and their kids playing for him. to me thats the end all be all. I think you are misinterpreting the emotion here. I don't equate "grind" to "work" anymore than I equated "lifting weights" to "work" as a player. I see the grind as a means to a better end. If that end is not achieved, than damnit I'm going to do even more to achieve it. That's the problem. It's never being satisfied. Or more, it's about being downright consumed by failure. And when you grind and grind and grind even harder and finally start reaping the fruits of your labor how do you scale back? You've put in all this work and grind to achieve your success that you'll be damned to let it get back to the way it was before. And you could say "it's just HS football," but it would be the same if I was a pianist, or whatever I chose to have a passion for, felt I was good at, and couldn't stand the idea of being a failure at. I think you misinterpret the "its just HS football". I don't mean that its outcomes arent important, I mean that the more important outcome is how the players turn out as men. Granted, as you already posted, we are more likely to be judged by others based on our on the field wins and losses; and that may have an impact on how long you coach and where you coach at. So maybe I am naive in thinking that there is still a place for a coach who feels like me; but then again I am in the middle of So Cal and have seen lots of coaches and teams around here who have coaches who place developing men as a priority, and still win on the field without giving themselves heart attacks. Now, in regards to the "grind" or never being satisfied. I think that takes us back to a long standing topic we've had here: is more always better. You wrote, "you grind and grind and grind even harder and finally start reaping the fruits of your labor...." Many feel that there is a level of negative returns you (and especially your team) reaches on this grind. I've worked with grinders who had to draw up 20 new things each week to install (because they had to grind and the grind had to be implemented); it was a detriment to the team. You've put in all this work to achieve your success, when some of it was unnecessary, sometimes you succeed despite the grind not because of it.
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Post by blb on Sept 14, 2016 11:31:59 GMT -6
I know things are different in some places.
Nevertheless, I still think you have to be intense enough to get the job done but relaxed enough to enjoy it.
Coaching HS Football should not consume you year-round nor does it have to in order to be successful.
I firmly believe that two contributing factors to declining participation in our state are 1) the demands put on kids (and coaches) out-of-season, and 2) by the time kids reach HS many of them have been playing tackle Football for at least four years, and at some point they've had enough.
We told our kids that their priorities should be 1) Faith, 2) Family, 3) Academics, 4) Football (no lower than #4 In-Season).
How many of us coaches live that way? Or are our priorities out of whack?
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Post by PSS on Sept 14, 2016 11:52:12 GMT -6
I know things are different in some places.
Nevertheless, I still think you have to be intense enough to get the job done but relaxed enough to enjoy it.
Coaching HS Football should not consume you year-round nor does it have to in order to be successful.
I firmly believe that two contributing factors to declining participation in our state is 1) the demands put on kids (and coaches) out-of-season, and 2) by the time kids reach HS many of them have been playing tackle Football for at least four years, and at some point they've had enough.
We told our kids that their priorities should be 1) Faith, 2) Family, 3) Academics, 4) Football (no lower than #4 In-Season).
How many of us coaches live that way? Or are our priorities out of whack? It must be different in other places, can't say because I've only coached in one state. But if we aren't working year round preparing our athletes for the next year we are falling behind our competition. Yes, several of our players play multiple sports, however; they still go through the same weight training and speed training for off-season football on everyday but the day they are competing in that other sport. I agree on your priorities and it is the same here. We even shorten our Wednesday practice so kids and coaches can go to Wednesday night services at their churches. I stated in my previous post about how we involve the families. We do many other things that involve players' families and the community. But football does consume a lot of our time year-round. I'm the head boys' track coach. Track is an extension of off-season. Skill kids are required to run (go through workouts) whether they compete or not. Most compete in at least 1-2 events.
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Post by funkfriss on Sept 14, 2016 13:01:25 GMT -6
I think you are misinterpreting the emotion here. I don't equate "grind" to "work" anymore than I equated "lifting weights" to "work" as a player. I see the grind as a means to a better end. If that end is not achieved, than damnit I'm going to do even more to achieve it. That's the problem. It's never being satisfied. Or more, it's about being downright consumed by failure. And when you grind and grind and grind even harder and finally start reaping the fruits of your labor how do you scale back? You've put in all this work and grind to achieve your success that you'll be damned to let it get back to the way it was before. And you could say "it's just HS football," but it would be the same if I was a pianist, or whatever I chose to have a passion for, felt I was good at, and couldn't stand the idea of being a failure at. I think you misinterpret the "its just HS football". I don't mean that its outcomes arent important, I mean that the more important outcome is how the players turn out as men. Granted, as you already posted, we are more likely to be judged by others based on our on the field wins and losses; and that may have an impact on how long you coach and where you coach at. So maybe I am naive in thinking that there is still a place for a coach who feels like me; but then again I am in the middle of So Cal and have seen lots of coaches and teams around here who have coaches who place developing men as a priority, and still win on the field without giving themselves heart attacks. Now, in regards to the "grind" or never being satisfied. I think that takes us back to a long standing topic we've had here: is more always better. You wrote, "you grind and grind and grind even harder and finally start reaping the fruits of your labor...." Many feel that there is a level of negative returns you (and especially your team) reaches on this grind. I've worked with grinders who had to draw up 20 new things each week to install (because they had to grind and the grind had to be implemented); it was a detriment to the team. You've put in all this work to achieve your success, when some of it was unnecessary, sometimes you succeed despite the grind not because of it. There's definitely a place for a coach like you! As long as you are winning..... As for the negative returns on the grind I couldn't agree more. But when you're @ss deep in alligators it's easy to forget your goal was to drain the swamp. It's hard to put a finger on when is too much, too much or when is not enough, not enough. I think that was the whole point of the article.
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Post by carookie on Sept 14, 2016 13:28:19 GMT -6
I think you misinterpret the "its just HS football". I don't mean that its outcomes arent important, I mean that the more important outcome is how the players turn out as men. Granted, as you already posted, we are more likely to be judged by others based on our on the field wins and losses; and that may have an impact on how long you coach and where you coach at. So maybe I am naive in thinking that there is still a place for a coach who feels like me; but then again I am in the middle of So Cal and have seen lots of coaches and teams around here who have coaches who place developing men as a priority, and still win on the field without giving themselves heart attacks. Now, in regards to the "grind" or never being satisfied. I think that takes us back to a long standing topic we've had here: is more always better. You wrote, "you grind and grind and grind even harder and finally start reaping the fruits of your labor...." Many feel that there is a level of negative returns you (and especially your team) reaches on this grind. I've worked with grinders who had to draw up 20 new things each week to install (because they had to grind and the grind had to be implemented); it was a detriment to the team. You've put in all this work to achieve your success, when some of it was unnecessary, sometimes you succeed despite the grind not because of it. There's definitely a place for a coach like you! As long as you are winning..... As for the negative returns on the grind I couldn't agree more. But when you're @ss deep in alligators it's easy to forget your goal was to drain the swamp. It's hard to put a finger on when is too much, too much or when is not enough, not enough. I think that was the whole point of the article. Yeah, Ive been blessed enough to have been a part of winning programs, so I guess I havent had to worry about things; but more importantly is this: when you're @ss deep in alligators it's easy to forget your goal was to drain the swamp Never heard this before, is this a regional thing?
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Post by coachfloyd on Sept 14, 2016 14:02:42 GMT -6
Dont miss your kids growing up or wife for football. It will never be worth it. I am so glad that Ive figured that out while mine are still young.
As Hootie says, "It wont be like this for long"
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Post by The Lunch Pail on Sept 14, 2016 19:30:33 GMT -6
I know things are different in some places.
Nevertheless, I still think you have to be intense enough to get the job done but relaxed enough to enjoy it.
Coaching HS Football should not consume you year-round nor does it have to in order to be successful.
I firmly believe that two contributing factors to declining participation in our state are 1) the demands put on kids (and coaches) out-of-season, and 2) by the time kids reach HS many of them have been playing tackle Football for at least four years, and at some point they've had enough.
We told our kids that their priorities should be 1) Faith, 2) Family, 3) Academics, 4) Football (no lower than #4 In-Season).
How many of us coaches live that way? Or are our priorities out of whack? Glad I'm not the only one who preaches this anymore. Just like the article states, God isn't going to ask you about your win-loss record at the pearly gates.
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Post by The Lunch Pail on Sept 14, 2016 19:57:23 GMT -6
Reading this, I noticed I have some similar issues (constantly thinking about work, not comfortable relaxing, sh!tty sleep, etc.) How do you take care of yourself, stay balanced, and keep some things in perspective? Here is the article if anyone is interesting in reading it: thelab.bleacherreport.com/i-m-not-the-lone-wolf/I love this article so much I bookmarked it so I can read it every day. I love the game of football so much, and nobody wants to win as much as I do. But I don't want to be remembered as only a football coach when I die. I don't want the game to take such a toll on me that I don't enjoy winning, lose hair before 40, and become a bad guy to be around off of the field. I've seen overworking and stress take a toll on a lot of my family, and I don't want to fall into that same fate. One of my favorite quotes is "kick back and get high on the living part of life". I have multiple hobbies off of the field. I split & sell firewood, I play country music, I'm doing a family tree with my dad, and I raise livestock at my house. I've learned just as many lessons doing those things as I have playing/coaching football. In fact, being able to get away from the game of football makes me love it even more when I come back to it. I'm still passionate and dedicated to football, but I don't let it define me. When I have kids one of these days, I want them to remember me well and I want to be a great father. I don't want to watch them grow from the window of my office. I think it is important to find faith. I'm working on becoming a better Christian lately. Not saying anybody has to be a Christian or do something a certain way, but it's just what I do. I believe having faith gives a solid foundation of priorities.
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Post by fantom on Sept 14, 2016 20:24:59 GMT -6
I like to do something physical but not tremendously taxing: a 2-3 mile walk in the woods at one of the local parks or a 45 minute-1 hour bicycle ride maybe. It clears my head and gives me a new perspective. Sometimes when you work and work non-stop you hang onto the same idea. I think that a break gives me a chance to take a fresh look.
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Post by fballcoachg on Sept 15, 2016 6:14:50 GMT -6
The biggest part I took from the article that I'm going to work on was to enjoy winning (and when you can't win, enjoy the little victories). My job is pretty closely tied to my coaching position (it is but isn't "officially") so there is plenty of stress as is. I enjoy the kids and try to have fun at practice as much as possible, I'm not big on my feelings, I think there is nothing wrong with handling it yourself, I try to work out 3-4 times a week and take my dog on a decent length walk when I get home, I decompress on Sunday's by doing the grocery shopping (very manly I know), I sleep terribly but I'm not big on aiding that with medicine either so I'll deal with it...I have an irrational fear that if I take it for little things it won't work when I actually need it. I have gotten better about managing time around my kids, terrible about managing it when they go to bed and it's me and the wife but she is ok with that and married in to this.
The biggest thing that I don't do that I need to do is enjoy the wins. As we all know, winning is hard, there are two teams that gave everything they could and when we are fortunate enough to be that team we need to enjoy that. We won this past week and I immediately switched gears to the next opponent, started stressing over personnel and how we are going to accomplish xyz when they do xyz. After reading the article I started questioning why I couldn't wait until the next morning, did I really gain that much insight in one night? Do we ever actually gain that much? We work very hard at what we do, I'm going to make a concerted effort to enjoy the payoff more.
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Post by blb on Sept 15, 2016 6:41:45 GMT -6
I felt it was important to celebrate or commiserate together as a staff after games.
Coaches and wives-significant others, sometimes administrators and support people would gather at our house. We would provide the food, everybody BYOB, to watch the scores-highlights. No film or scouting reports.
Last dog didn't die often until early morning hours. At one stop where I was the oldest coach and only married one, when going to bed I'd tell the others to pick up the beer cans and turn out the lights when they left.
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Post by fballcoachg on Sept 15, 2016 7:17:48 GMT -6
I felt it was important to celebrate or commiserate together as a staff after games. Coaches and wives-significant others, sometimes administrators and support people would gather at our house. We would provide the food, everybody BYOB, to watch the scores-highlights. No film or scouting reports. Last dog didn't die often until early morning hours. At one stop where I was the oldest coach and only married one, when going to bed I'd tell the others to pick up the beer cans and turn out the lights when they left. That's how it was where I was last an assistant, I thought it was great. I need to find a way to get that here...hard when people aren't in the same area but we can make it work and probably need to. I thought the best part was all of the kids and wives/girl friends being involved as well...that's something I can put together and need to put together.
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Post by jtimmerman53 on Sept 15, 2016 7:44:53 GMT -6
I felt it was important to celebrate or commiserate together as a staff after games. Coaches and wives-significant others, sometimes administrators and support people would gather at our house. We would provide the food, everybody BYOB, to watch the scores-highlights. No film or scouting reports. Last dog didn't die often until early morning hours. At one stop where I was the oldest coach and only married one, when going to bed I'd tell the others to pick up the beer cans and turn out the lights when they left. This is how we do it. After every win our staff and families gather together back at the school to eat a post game meal and almost always our principal and other administrators are there along with other members of our large support staff haha. It's a great time to take a few moments to just breathe and relax and enjoy the win together as one big football family.
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Post by carookie on Sept 15, 2016 8:53:28 GMT -6
I felt it was important to celebrate or commiserate together as a staff after games. Coaches and wives-significant others, sometimes administrators and support people would gather at our house. We would provide the food, everybody BYOB, to watch the scores-highlights. No film or scouting reports. Last dog didn't die often until early morning hours. At one stop where I was the oldest coach and only married one, when going to bed I'd tell the others to pick up the beer cans and turn out the lights when they left. I've been at places similar to that, a lot of the coaches were at the same stage in life, roughly the same age had kids about the same age. It was a blast because the families were involved, and everybody enjoyed being with each other. After every home game (win or lose) we'd all take our families to the same pizza place and decompress.
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Post by coachfloyd on Sept 15, 2016 9:09:37 GMT -6
I felt it was important to celebrate or commiserate together as a staff after games. Coaches and wives-significant others, sometimes administrators and support people would gather at our house. We would provide the food, everybody BYOB, to watch the scores-highlights. No film or scouting reports. Last dog didn't die often until early morning hours. At one stop where I was the oldest coach and only married one, when going to bed I'd tell the others to pick up the beer cans and turn out the lights when they left. I can remember nights like that as a coach's son. Everyone came to our house after games.
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Post by IronmanFootball on Sept 15, 2016 9:51:29 GMT -6
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Post by blb on Sept 15, 2016 10:21:03 GMT -6
As Jimmy V said, (paraphrasing) each day you should laugh, think, and cry.
Coaching provides the last two.
I read the comics every day, and besides sports, the only TV shows I usually watch are comedies including re-runs.
I think keeping a sense of humor is cathartic and important to one's sanity-health. As the saying goes, "Laughter is the best medicine."
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red
Freshmen Member
Posts: 71
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Post by red on Sept 15, 2016 11:36:07 GMT -6
As we all know this job is different than others, its low pay and requires an emotional investment. If you are really doing it for the reason most claim, then it is a vocation and your reward is not monetary or winning. If you love your players, provide positive leadership and add value..... and still get fired then who wants to be at that place anyway? If you need to grind a few months out of the year than so be it, but trade that for 8 months of incredible family time and focus.
After 12 years as a HC, my advice... Stop taking yourself so seriously. It is high school football, and if you trade your health or your family for ANY JOB you will live a life of regret. Start living what you are teaching.
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Post by silkyice on Sept 15, 2016 12:07:16 GMT -6
A few thoughts.
Of course no one should jeopardize their faith, family, or health over anything! This is not isolated to football.
We should all find ways to relax, relieve stress, take time off, etc.
But, we also preach doing your best is important. It is important to me. This is my livelihood, my passion, my calling. This is important for the players, parents, and school. To give anything less than my best (except jeopardizing faith, family, health) is not acceptable. I believe that we try and instill doing your best and being prepared to our players, so again, this is important.
This is just high school football. But the same could be said for college football, or the NFL, or being a doctor, or lawyer, or President. Are some of those more important? Sure. But this is what I do, so I am going to do my best at it.
The conundrum for mankind that we all face is how to balance it all. But while it is "just a high school football", I do not like or appreciate what that connotes at all.
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Post by funkfriss on Sept 16, 2016 10:46:32 GMT -6
Reading this, I noticed I have some similar issues (constantly thinking about work, not comfortable relaxing, sh!tty sleep, etc.) How do you take care of yourself, stay balanced, and keep some things in perspective? Here is the article if anyone is interesting in reading it: thelab.bleacherreport.com/i-m-not-the-lone-wolf/I love this article so much I bookmarked it so I can read it every day. I love the game of football so much, and nobody wants to win as much as I do. But I don't want to be remembered as only a football coach when I die. I don't want the game to take such a toll on me that I don't enjoy winning, lose hair before 40, and become a bad guy to be around off of the field. I've seen overworking and stress take a toll on a lot of my family, and I don't want to fall into that same fate. One of my favorite quotes is "kick back and get high on the living part of life". I have multiple hobbies off of the field. I split & sell firewood, I play country music, I'm doing a family tree with my dad, and I raise livestock at my house. I've learned just as many lessons doing those things as I have playing/coaching football. In fact, being able to get away from the game of football makes me love it even more when I come back to it. I'm still passionate and dedicated to football, but I don't let it define me. When I have kids one of these days, I want them to remember me well and I want to be a great father. I don't want to watch them grow from the window of my office. I think it is important to find faith. I'm working on becoming a better Christian lately. Not saying anybody has to be a Christian or do something a certain way, but it's just what I do. I believe having faith gives a solid foundation of priorities. I agree 100% with everything you said. My thing is this, if you're not getting it done on the field, you lose the platform to make a difference. There is a coach from our area who is the absolute best influence on HS kids. He passionately cares about the kids, takes the extra time to listen, help, etc. Literally the best dude I've ever been around at mentoring youth and I'm grateful to have coached with him for a couple seasons. Problem is, his teams didn't win. So he was let go. And let go again. And now he isn't coaching at all. Granted, he's helped many boys become men, but he's lost the chance to help more kids b/c winning is more important.
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Post by somecoach on Sept 19, 2016 20:51:51 GMT -6
I would start with fixing the diet.
Eating garbage will make you feel like garbage!
Second I would try and get to the gym.
Even if it is just a full body 2-3 times a week weight training, it makes a difference, increase dopamine levels.
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Post by rosey65 on Sept 20, 2016 12:35:19 GMT -6
I do as many "me" things as possible when I'm not at football. What I define as "me" has changed over the years...its now less beer, a lot less fishing, and more park time with my daughter. But I make I do something whenever I have a chance.
-thursdays, we have 2 hours before our walkthru. I go to the beach then -home all last week with my daughter, who had Hand/Foot/Mouth. I bought a big bottle of hand sanitizer, locked her into the stroller, and we went to the zoo every day. -cook a big dinner for my wife at least once a week. takes well over an hour, gives me something else to focus on
I find if I sit around doing nothing, my mind wanders back to football fairly quickly. Keeping myself active, or at least just off the couch, really helps that.
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