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Post by 33coach on Aug 31, 2015 21:11:32 GMT -6
Ok I have a team of 19, this year has been a struggle since day one, low numbers, and even less coaches.
Today at practice, I my 2 year starter left guard was being openly defiant and disrespectful to coaches and teammates, now this kid has a messed up home life (child protective services / police bad...) so we normally let him slide, but today we just couldn't take it And had him sit out.
Next thing I know his helmet is thrown, his pads are off and he says he's quitting, because he's done.
Now, I feel bad for the kid for his home life. And I can't really afford to lose a player.. But practice was a Hell of a lot smoother after he left...
Knowing how bad he has it, should I convince the kid to come back? Or should I just let it go.
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Post by ksmitty79 on Aug 31, 2015 21:21:50 GMT -6
Sometimes Kids need Football more then Football Needs them.. Ultimately, you have to do what is best for the team.. Sounds like you have given the young man a lot more leeway compared to the others. I might would talk to him tomorrow and see where he is at. Also, if the young man is dealing cps/police more then likely you and your staff might be the only positive role models in his life...
Very tough decision for sure.
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Post by CS on Sept 1, 2015 4:01:17 GMT -6
I've been in the same situation twice actually. One is pretty much exactly how you describe it and the other I couldn't make the kid quit. I say let it be because as frustrated as you are with him the players are too.
I will stick with the first story since it is like yours. This was 2 schools ago, small town, small school, poor kids and low numbers. This kid was a resource student and a pain in the a$$. He refused to do drills, openly defied coaches and quit probably 5 times throuout the course of the season. HC kept bringing him back in the next week because he wanted to "keep him off the street."
I can understand wanting to help a kid and I'm all for that but some kids aren't looking for help and ultimately it was a huge distraction and the other players got pissed about him quitting, acting like that and getting to come back. I would suggest, if you want to help him, try doing it another way. Make him manager and give him some coach gear or something
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Post by John Knight on Sept 1, 2015 5:01:10 GMT -6
If he comes to you and wants to be forgiven, do it. If he doesn't want to come to you, Break the Wrist and walk away!
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Post by blb on Sept 1, 2015 5:42:25 GMT -6
Agree with JK. If he comes back today (apologetically) after "sleeping on it," take him back.
After that, move on with the kids to whom football means something.
I understand your motives-how you feel, but some kids won't let themselves be "saved" and can ruin the experience for everyone else.
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Post by wingtol on Sept 1, 2015 5:58:53 GMT -6
JK and blb said it. Wait and see if he comes crawling back. Kids in those types of situations don't have the best coping skills. Of course we don't know much outside of what you have told us and it's hard to give solid advice without being in your shoes.
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Post by shocktroop34 on Sept 1, 2015 7:34:47 GMT -6
The only issue in the OP that is concerning to me is "we normally let him slide."
It seems that you might have allowed an environment where he found his disruptive behavior acceptable.
I had a dramatic girl friend in high school who loved to cause a scene and run away, expecting me to run after her. I'm not sure if she's still waiting for me or not, but I hope she moved on.
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Post by coachphillip on Sept 1, 2015 8:05:55 GMT -6
DC pretty much nailed what I was thinking. I don't care if he apologizes to me, as a coach. He didn't quit on the coaches. He quit on his team. I've had guys like that on my teams and it's a huge distraction. If his home life is messed up, he needs you to be strict because that may be the only discipline he receives all day.
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Post by spos21ram on Sept 1, 2015 8:07:48 GMT -6
Would age play a factor in this for some of you? Coach33 coaches youth....Since the kid is 14 at the oldest, I'd call home or talk to a parent after practice. I know his home life is hard so this may not help. But because of his age I'd have a talk with him whether he seems apologetic or not. Doesn't mean you have to let him back on, but I'd reach out to a younger kid like that more than a 17 year old.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using proboards
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Post by 33coach on Sept 1, 2015 8:43:33 GMT -6
Would age play a factor in this for some of you? Coach33 coaches youth....Since the kid is 14 at the oldest, I'd call home or talk to a parent after practice. I know his home life is hard so this may not help. But because of his age I'd have a talk with him whether he seems apologetic or not. Doesn't mean you have to let him back on, but I'd reach out to a younger kid like that more than a 17 year old. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using proboards That's something I should have mentioned. I coach middle school. This kid doesn't really have parents. He sort of bounces around from family member to family member (again CPS..etc) Yea, we have been giving this kid a pass sort of, we would let small things go, but last night was just too much. |
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Post by John Knight on Sept 1, 2015 8:52:41 GMT -6
Time for a come to Jesus, my way or the highway, put on your big girl panties meeting.
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Post by blb on Sept 1, 2015 8:55:11 GMT -6
John Wooden said, "Sports doesn't teach character, it reveals it."
Sometimes what kids need is "tough love."
There are plenty of kids who come from dysfunctional or worse homes and do well in life.
My former player that I am coaching for now is one example.
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Post by newt21 on Sept 1, 2015 8:58:12 GMT -6
I have never, nor will I ever beg a kid to play. If a kid throws his helmet and storms off like that, he will have a decision to make, either he's done or he will have to put in the sweat to earn his way back. If a kid walks off the practice field twice, he needs to turn in his gear. I get that he has a rough home life, but he has to learn (no better time than now) what behavior is acceptable and what is not. I'm all for giving a second chance, but it's your responsibility to teach them discipline and this ties directly into that. Always remember, what you allow, you encourage.
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Post by olinedude on Sept 1, 2015 11:40:51 GMT -6
Considering its middle school, I'd say that changes things. If we're talking about a 13-14 year old kid with a horrid home life, he clearly has no decision making abilities. I don't know if I'd ask him to come back, but I would make him come sit down with me and explain what caused him to blow up. If this kid was a 17 year old junior pulling stuff, its a different deal. With that young of a kid I'd be more open to letting him back on the team but with a plan of action to stop that kind of behavior.
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Post by CoachMikeJudy on Sept 1, 2015 12:37:43 GMT -6
I'd lean toward what somewhat stated above- I'm not chasing anyone. If he realizes it was a mistake, and I feel it's legitimate, then he will be reinstated. He had best be a decent kid and student- if he's a turd I may not accept his plea
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Post by Defcord on Sept 2, 2015 9:39:32 GMT -6
I always ask
1. Does it help the team?
Not just win but help improve the vision of the program. I am no longer an HC so life is easy and I get to make suggestions instead of decisions so I don't have to think as much about my ideas or reflect on them when I am wrong. Once a kid begged me to come back after he had quit. I told him he could come back first as a scout team player. If he cared about the team he would help them get better with no promise of play. I wanted him to show that he would put the team above himself. He came back until the next game, which he didn't play in, then he quit again. He thought he would play in that game and that is the only reason he came back. I did the same thing with another player. He stayed on eventually worked his way into special teams (special teams coach begged to have him, I allowed it). He played a little bit more and more as the year went on and the following year he was a starter and did some good things.
2. Does it help the kid?
Is the kid going to learn a lesson from it. Will he be a better person by the influence? Will he act better in class because he is on the team?
It's always tough in these situations. We were probably all never going to quit that's why we are still coaching, but not everyone has our mentality and perspective towards the game.
I always kind of felt like I failed a little when a kid quit. Some kids very little...some kids it stung more.
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Post by 33coach on Sept 2, 2015 11:10:17 GMT -6
I always ask 1. Does it help the team? Not just win but help improve the vision of the program. I am no longer an HC so life is easy and I get to make suggestions instead of decisions so I don't have to think as much about my ideas or reflect on them when I am wrong. Once a kid begged me to come back after he had quit. I told him he could come back first as a scout team player. If he cared about the team he would help them get better with no promise of play. I wanted him to show that he would put the team above himself. He came back until the next game, which he didn't play in, then he quit again. He thought he would play in that game and that is the only reason he came back. I did the same thing with another player. He stayed on eventually worked his way into special teams (special teams coach begged to have him, I allowed it). He played a little bit more and more as the year went on and the following year he was a starter and did some good things. 2. Does it help the kid? Is the kid going to learn a lesson from it. Will he be a better person by the influence? Will he act better in class because he is on the team? It's always tough in these situations. We were probably all never going to quit that's why we are still coaching, but not everyone has our mentality and perspective towards the game. I always kind of felt like I failed a little when a kid quit. Some kids very little...some kids it stung more. thats where im struggling the most: "Does it help the team" - -- having him means i have 1 less 2 way starter, 1 less possibility of injury, 1 more rotation. -- but it also means we have less productive practices and the other players get annoyed by his outbursts. (the kid is DIEING for attention, because he doesnt get it anywhere else...) its been 1 1/2 days with no word, some of the kids have talked to him, but he hasnt come forward...we have had 1 1/2 great practices "Does it help the kid" - -- No doubt, the discipline, the commitment, the leadership, the family....benefits are endless for a kid in his situation...but is he actually soaking in any of that? probably not.... |
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Post by Wingtman on Sept 4, 2015 7:42:56 GMT -6
Our best lineman quit yesterday, during WALK THRU. He told our QB to shut his (making love) mouth when he tried to tell him to pick up the pace (Our QB is a junior, but the heart of our squad, and the most respected member of our team by both players and coaches).
He said "I quit", dropped multiple F bombs on the way off the field, and one assistant coach tried to talk to him, called him a MF.
We held a meeting with the captains, and they don't want him back at all. They said each problem we have, they deem him the root.
Went from having a 6'0 260 RG who's a senior to a 5'7 165 soph starting at guard tonight. However, this kid will work his tail off. Addition by subtraction for us.
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