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Post by mariner42 on Jul 5, 2015 12:54:30 GMT -6
So we've got a sophomore that's neck deep in the gang life, but he doesn't want to be. Just about everyone he knows is involved or peripheral to it, with exception of his immediate family but they're not exactly high achievers, either. One of the freshmen coaches really bonded with him and got him to confide in him, which included the boy telling him that he'd tried to commit suicide because he couldn't find another way out of his situation.
As a football player, he's great. Tough, works until he'll drop, wants to be better, vocal in a good way. As a student... He's kind of a pain in the butt.
I want to help this kid, I'm just trying to see what other people have done. I've told him he can call me anytime for a ride to weights or just to be taken out of a bad situation, promised him that once his grades are up and he's eligible I'll get him a touchdown, praised the heck out of him when I can, but I'm still being stern when I have to be.
Anyone have suggestions?
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Post by coachfloyd on Jul 5, 2015 15:14:58 GMT -6
Gangs are bad here. I feel your pain. We had three players busted selling drugs last year at my old school.
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Post by coachbdud on Jul 5, 2015 16:21:24 GMT -6
Street life ? Or legit in a GANG? Did they jump him in? He's gonna have to get jumped out by them
Keep him involved in football and his teammates as much as possible
He should live at the school where he can be safe
Spend as much time with coaches and other players as possible to stay away from the street
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Post by dijackson08 on Jul 5, 2015 18:34:13 GMT -6
Gotta get him sold on being a high achiever in the class room. The kids like him I've coached that signed D1 scholarships and got out of those situations were great student & players.
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Post by gators1422 on Jul 5, 2015 19:17:04 GMT -6
He's got to move in with you or someone away from that life. We as coaches sell them a lifestyle for 3-4 hours a day, and he goes home to the other for the rest of the time. Takes a very different kid to pull themselves out of a situation like that.
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Post by lionhart on Jul 5, 2015 21:21:27 GMT -6
We deal with it as well. We have had some kids rise above it and we had a former player recently sentenced for 80 years on a double homicide. We know we can't save them all. Some of e things we have tried in the past that have had some success are.... Getting in contact with the older guys who he might be around. Guys who have influence within the gang. You'd be surprised at how approachable many of them are. Explain to them that this kid has a legit chance to succeed but they need to lay off. It's worked for us with a few kids.... The other knuckleheads will leave him be and give him safe passage through his neighborhood. We also try to keep the family involved, let them know everything we are trying to do for their son. The other things you mentioned, giving him rides Etc will also help. At the end of the day he's gotta want it though. And our head coach does a great job of letting kids know from DAY 1 that we have a zero tolerance policy for any gang behavior in our locker room or around our team. No clothing, gang signs, gang handshakes or language is allowed around the team, ever. He has thrown kids off for that. So they understand what is expected of them. Best of luck to you
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Post by coachphillip on Jul 6, 2015 8:01:03 GMT -6
His family knows about the full extent to which he's involved in the gang? How deep in is he?
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Post by shocktroop34 on Jul 6, 2015 9:06:10 GMT -6
Like others, I had a lot of questions when I read this OP. I think they will be answered as this post develops.
I haven't had any experience in this matter (that I'm aware of, at least). Sometimes we're involved in things without knowing all the circumstances.
I will say this, and as I read other comments, I mean this will all due respect: you should be careful about putting yourself in harms way.
As you know, gangs are no joke. I don't know, but if you have a family (wife/kids), you have to think of them first. Moving a kid in with you may not be the best thing for you or your family.
We're coaches who want to "save" everyone. I'm wired the same way. I actually almost took a kid in (who was a ward of the state) a few years ago. But, I had to think of what dynamic it would play with my personal life.
Stories like "Gridiron Gang" and "Blindside" groom us to think that we're able to reach ALL of the tough kids, when reality says something differently.
All I'm saying is proceed with caution. Definitely a situation that not all of us have to deal with. Best of luck.
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Post by coachphillip on Jul 6, 2015 9:16:09 GMT -6
Another question I have is how serious is this gang, really? I don't mean to downplay the situation or have some kind of "hood swag where you from" attitude. I'm just saying, is this like a legit gang or is this a bunch of clowns hanging out in a garage? I live in Hayward and coached both here and in Lathrop near Tracy. We had some kids who ran with "gangs". They just smoked dope, slanged small time, and had bad grades. These kids were just knuckleheads. Then we had kids who rolled with DGF, TCG, and the standard cholo stuff. These latter kids would be strapped and move big time stuff. They were two very different situations.
We told the kid with the clowns to start focusing on his grades and told his parents to keep him away from the circus. The more serious kids, we told their families about the severity of the situation and told them their best option was to move or to relocate the kid.
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Post by mariner42 on Jul 6, 2015 9:20:03 GMT -6
He's not active, but it's literally all around him. Hasn't been initiated or anything, but he's got plenty of people in his ear. I wish I had the means to help him physically get out of that situation, but I'm barely sustaining myself. To be able to house him and myself would put me in the red in about 3 months. His step-mom seems to be the one keeping him on the straight path. lionhart, how did you go about meeting the older guys? Has anyone tried having older players shine on/mentor/big brother a kid? edit: coachphillip Watsonville has a crazy situation in that it's got a strong Norteno and Sureno presence in addition to a local gang that been carving out their own piece of the pie for the last 8-10 years. No bodies being dropped, that happens in Salinas, Gilroy, etc, but it's very much a problem. I believe he's being courted by the Norteno set. I know what you mean, though, about the 'gang' vs GANG.
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Post by lionhart on Jul 6, 2015 12:25:04 GMT -6
Honestlly, we asked the kds. "Who does he run wih, etc" Other kids would give us names or street names and we would do a little digging. We are a successful program within our city so we get due respect. When people hear "he coaches at xxxxx" they immediately will recognize that. Not that we are anything special , but people know. And I've actually had former players who are in deep who I will go see... And just tell them "put out the word that Johnny is playing for us and we need him clean". Contrary to a lot of movies and preconceived notions.... Most of these guys will recognize and respect 'civilians' and are pretty approachable. It may work, it may not . But it's worth a try right?
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Post by jlenwood on Jul 7, 2015 9:59:07 GMT -6
I have an incredible amount of respect for coaches like you guys who are trying to help these kids out. My biggest issue is not having enough practice footballs or not everyone showing up for weight room. Kind of puts some things in perspective.
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Post by coachbdud on Jul 7, 2015 10:51:14 GMT -6
side note
something i do that i hope might help me in the future
we have some THUGs at school, not really on the team right now, but just in the general population
i know which kids are selling weed, getting into fights, stealing crap... kind of easy to spot the BAAAAAAD ones
anyway, i am always super cool to these kids...
1. they are the most likely to respond aggressively if you come at them yelling/angry 2. I might be the only adult they interact with in a positive way for the whole day 3. these kids don't leave the area, they stay in the trap or they go to jail, those are there only life options. I am cool with them, push them to do well in my class, ask them about their day etc. I have never been put into a bad situation, but if I am about to get jumped or robbed or something while pumping gas or something in town (don't live where i coach) and one of these kids are around they would stop it
just the other day, i saw a former student of mine, drug dealer then, and now. i got a whats up coach, a firm handshake, talked about life for a few minutes
that kid (and others like him) would totally have my back if they were around and some bad $hit was about to pop off
this probably sounds really weird to some of you on this board but some places are bad
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Post by mariner42 on Jul 7, 2015 11:08:46 GMT -6
side note something i do that i hope might help me in the future we have some THUGs at school, not really on the team right now, but just in the general population i know which kids are selling weed, getting into fights, stealing crap... kind of easy to spot the BAAAAAAD ones anyway, i am always super cool to these kids... 1. they are the most likely to respond aggressively if you come at them yelling/angry 2. I might be the only adult they interact with in a positive way for the whole day 3. these kids don't leave the area, they stay in the trap or they go to jail, those are there only life options. I am cool with them, push them to do well in my class, ask them about their day etc. I have never been put into a bad situation, but if I am about to get jumped or robbed or something while pumping gas or something in town (don't live where i coach) and one of these kids are around they would stop it just the other day, i saw a former student of mine, drug dealer then, and now. i got a whats up coach, a firm handshake, talked about life for a few minutes that kid (and others like him) would totally have my back if they were around and some bad $hit was about to pop off this probably sounds really weird to some of you on this board but some places are bad That's actually been my approach to those guys, too.
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Post by coachphillip on Jul 7, 2015 13:01:37 GMT -6
You've got to have candid conversations with the kid about why the stuff around him will be detrimental to him in the long run. Got to make the appeal of being a part of a football family greater than the appeal of being a part of a gang family. That's where I've had the most trouble is when kids have no parental involvement, so the cholo dude becomes "big brother". The older player thing is a great idea that we've used in the past.
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Post by silkyice on Jul 7, 2015 18:27:43 GMT -6
side note something i do that i hope might help me in the future we have some THUGs at school, not really on the team right now, but just in the general population i know which kids are selling weed, getting into fights, stealing crap... kind of easy to spot the BAAAAAAD ones anyway, i am always super cool to these kids... 1. they are the most likely to respond aggressively if you come at them yelling/angry 2. I might be the only adult they interact with in a positive way for the whole day 3. these kids don't leave the area, they stay in the trap or they go to jail, those are there only life options. I am cool with them, push them to do well in my class, ask them about their day etc. I have never been put into a bad situation, but if I am about to get jumped or robbed or something while pumping gas or something in town (don't live where i coach) and one of these kids are around they would stop it just the other day, i saw a former student of mine, drug dealer then, and now. i got a whats up coach, a firm handshake, talked about life for a few minutes that kid (and others like him) would totally have my back if they were around and some bad $hit was about to pop off this probably sounds really weird to some of you on this board but some places are bad Make sure to smile and say hey to the loners wearing trenchcoats also.
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Post by mariner42 on Jul 7, 2015 18:38:59 GMT -6
side note something i do that i hope might help me in the future we have some THUGs at school, not really on the team right now, but just in the general population i know which kids are selling weed, getting into fights, stealing crap... kind of easy to spot the BAAAAAAD ones anyway, i am always super cool to these kids... 1. they are the most likely to respond aggressively if you come at them yelling/angry 2. I might be the only adult they interact with in a positive way for the whole day 3. these kids don't leave the area, they stay in the trap or they go to jail, those are there only life options. I am cool with them, push them to do well in my class, ask them about their day etc. I have never been put into a bad situation, but if I am about to get jumped or robbed or something while pumping gas or something in town (don't live where i coach) and one of these kids are around they would stop it just the other day, i saw a former student of mine, drug dealer then, and now. i got a whats up coach, a firm handshake, talked about life for a few minutes that kid (and others like him) would totally have my back if they were around and some bad $hit was about to pop off this probably sounds really weird to some of you on this board but some places are bad Make sure to smile and say hey to the loners wearing trenchcoats also. Hate to endorse Dane Cook, but super relevant:
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Post by coachphillip on Jul 7, 2015 19:11:19 GMT -6
Gotta be honest, I hate this guy too much to actually listen to his voice and smile. Lol
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Post by ksmitty79 on Jul 7, 2015 21:21:16 GMT -6
Keeping a good relationship with hims(which already sounds like you do.) I am a school drop out counselor and I will tell you this. A vast majority of those kids the only Male figure they have in their life is those "homeboys." Their is no "Magic" answer to this as everybody responds differently. I am not sure what area you are from but, check with the school counselors. You would be surprised as the amount of resources some of those that have been doing it for awhile have. Find him a "Big Brother" to relieve you and your staff. The number of positive role models this young man has in life is what makes the transition smoother then others. Gangs are a community issue and it takes a community of people to help change the direction. I always tell the kids that their is no sure fire way to get out. It's more of a "change of direction" Lastly, try to find someone that has been in his situation and has got out. Also, have you checked to see if he goes to church? If he does someone their will step up and help this young man.
As someone said earlier it's ultimately up to the kid. If he really wants to get out he will.
"We all face Challenges...How we handle those challenges make us the person we are"
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Post by football365 on Jul 7, 2015 21:29:25 GMT -6
The truth is there's no way to completely get him out of it. Having something like football is a good distraction. You hear about guys, especially basketball players, who stayed away from gangs by shooting hoops at a local rec center and stuff like that.
I have taught with at-risk kids, many of which are in the gang life and parents are involved with gangs. What I think steers kids towards gangs are 1) The members of the gang give them love and attention they are not getting and 2) they have no hope in that they don't actually believe if they do well in school or train really hard at a sport, that they can go to college and change their lives. It's kind of a hopeless-ness.
So to me, the best way to help kids like this are to 1) Love them to death and 2)Give them opportunities to learn about and see people who have had pressures that he has had and overcome them... Because to be honest as a dorky white dude (me), I can't really relate or say I fully understand what they are going through and they know that.
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Post by marinercoach1 on Jul 12, 2015 18:38:48 GMT -6
He's not active, but it's literally all around him. Hasn't been initiated or anything, but he's got plenty of people in his ear. I wish I had the means to help him physically get out of that situation, but I'm barely sustaining myself. To be able to house him and myself would put me in the red in about 3 months. His step-mom seems to be the one keeping him on the straight path. lionhart, how did you go about meeting the older guys? Has anyone tried having older players shine on/mentor/big brother a kid? edit: coachphillip Watsonville has a crazy situation in that it's got a strong Norteno and Sureno presence in addition to a local gang that been carving out their own piece of the pie for the last 8-10 years. No bodies being dropped, that happens in Salinas, Gilroy, etc, but it's very much a problem. I believe he's being courted by the Norteno set. I know what you mean, though, about the 'gang' vs GANG. Are you coaching in the 831 as well?
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Post by mariner42 on Jul 12, 2015 18:58:57 GMT -6
I'm guessing you're from the other 'Mariner' school just down Hwy 1?
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Post by marinercoach1 on Jul 12, 2015 22:48:26 GMT -6
Hahaha you are correct.
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Post by coachphillip on Jul 13, 2015 7:36:02 GMT -6
Only one way to deal with this, Mariners. Dance off!
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Post by marinercoach1 on Jul 13, 2015 10:22:43 GMT -6
Name the place and time
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Post by coachbdud on Jul 13, 2015 23:24:00 GMT -6
Only one way to deal with this, Mariners. Dance off! i do not know if you guys have rallys at your schools but we have a few a year... ours are uniquely terrible every single one has to do with dance battles the story lines make no sense as they do sketch comedy in the gym... where the audio sucks and you can't hear anything anyway but every single rally, has dance battles... multiple of them for example, during homecoming queen crap all 6 girls have their own "gang" or group of people different storyline/theme each year but they all become crappy dance battles very annoying, very boring when you see it every single time... and it makes me ponder what the heck they were doing in their rallys BEFORE stomp the yard came out or you got served came out
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Post by mariner42 on Jul 14, 2015 7:17:48 GMT -6
Only one way to deal with this, Mariners. Dance off! i do not know if you guys have rallys at your schools but we have a few a year... ours are uniquely terrible every single one has to do with dance battles the story lines make no sense as they do sketch comedy in the gym... where the audio sucks and you can't hear anything anyway but every single rally, has dance battles... multiple of them for example, during homecoming queen crap all 6 girls have their own "gang" or group of people different storyline/theme each year but they all become crappy dance battles very annoying, very boring when you see it every single time... and it makes me ponder what the heck they were doing in their rallys BEFORE stomp the yard came out or you got served came out At my previous school a few years back they had this really cool thing where they had a spontaneous dance party at the end of one of their rallies. It was totally organic, not at all forced, cool thing to see. Ever since then they kept trying to force it in there and it was without fail an incredibly awkward thing to behold.
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Post by utchuckd on Jul 14, 2015 7:21:21 GMT -6
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Post by coachphillip on Jul 14, 2015 8:02:31 GMT -6
The following dance battle is scheduled for one fall. It is for the INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP!
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Post by 33coach on Jul 14, 2015 9:14:54 GMT -6
That's a tough situation. Luckily the gang life has hit us (San Luis Obispo) our kids are too busy surfing and drinking to worry about any of that.
It seems like you have 2 options. 1) try to influence him yourself - play the dad and get the kid out.
2) get the team involved. If he needs a gang to always have his back and give him the family feel....what better gang then the football team? - talk to your captains and Seniors, you don't need to give specifics, but tell them it's their job - as well as yours - to look after this kid.
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