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Post by Wingtman on May 27, 2014 11:49:02 GMT -6
Is it just the big ones that hurt? Or do the small ones sting just as bad?
I've always been from the school of "Losing bothers me way more then winning makes me feel good."
Losses ruin my weekend. My wife and I are season ticket holders for the local college and I don't ever want to go a Saturday after a loss. I hate going to the grocery store so I don't have to see a parent or anyone in the community after and talk about it (I hate it after wins too, just not as bad. Thats why I go at like 8 am Sunday morning).
I realize that it may be counter productive, but after a loss, I'm on Hudl all night watching film, wondering what could I have done differently. I mean, sleep doesnt come till after Thanksgiving anyway, but nights after losses are always the worst.
What are some things you do to combat that can't get to sleep feeling? That inner disapointment you feel? I go through the entire checklist in my head, over and over (Where we just out matched? Did we not prepare the players well? Fail to execute? etc).
I hope these nights don't come this fall for any of us, but whats the best way you've learned to mentally shut down for a bit (if at all)?
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Post by fantom on May 27, 2014 11:58:30 GMT -6
What's a "small loss"?
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Post by Wingtman on May 27, 2014 12:08:15 GMT -6
I should clarify, you're right, no such thing as a small loss. I meant non title, rival game, playoff game.
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Post by s73 on May 27, 2014 12:14:05 GMT -6
Is it just the big ones that hurt? Or do the small ones sting just as bad? I've always been from the school of "Losing bothers me way more then winning makes me feel good." Losses ruin my weekend. My wife and I are season ticket holders for the local college and I don't ever want to go a Saturday after a loss. I hate going to the grocery store so I don't have to see a parent or anyone in the community after and talk about it (I hate it after wins too, just not as bad. Thats why I go at like 8 am Sunday morning). I realize that it may be counter productive, but after a loss, I'm on Hudl all night watching film, wondering what could I have done differently. I mean, sleep doesnt come till after Thanksgiving anyway, but nights after losses are always the worst. What are some things you do to combat that can't get to sleep feeling? That inner disapointment you feel? I go through the entire checklist in my head, over and over (Where we just out matched? Did we not prepare the players well? Fail to execute? etc). I hope these nights don't come this fall for any of us, but whats the best way you've learned to mentally shut down for a bit (if at all)? Personally, I have been in games where the other team is maybe just flat out better, so losing those if I'm truly being honest, maybe isn't quite as tough as losing to a team you can or should beat. Losing those are really tough to swallow b/c I am most likely at fault when that happens. I should also mention, that beating teams that are flat out better than you also is about as gratifying as it gets (doesn't happen often, but sure is fun when it does). With that being said, I have a "weekend sulking clause" that says we better be over it by Monday b/c it's time to go. Now the truth is, many times I'm not over it, but I try to channel some frustration into added determination for the next opponent. That's basically about it for me. |
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Post by jgordon1 on May 27, 2014 12:24:05 GMT -6
yes, Losing hurts more than winning feels good. That being said the enemy is your friend..He tells you where your weaknesses are. My problem (I think) is that I might get a little full of myself after a win..THAT is dangerous
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Post by coachphillip on May 27, 2014 12:25:04 GMT -6
Same as above, if we lose and the other team is better then I can deal with it easier. If we lose a game we should've won then I'm miserable all weekend. I'm actually a lot better off when I know we lost because of my mistakes. I feel guilty as all heck, but I learn and vow to never repeat that mistake again. I can't stand it when those games come around where you almost feel like you wanted to win and the kids don't care at all. Those games kill me.
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Post by mattharris75 on May 27, 2014 12:29:44 GMT -6
In 9 years of coaching there are two losses that still sting. Both were games where we were the generally superior team. How do you get over those?... I really don't have a clue. I've learned from them, but haven't gotten over them. Time helps, but they, and the lessons gleaned from them, never seem to go away. And maybe that's a good thing...
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Post by georgefred86 on May 27, 2014 12:31:32 GMT -6
Depends on how the loss occurs. We have won a few, that because of our poor play, felt more like losses. Also, we have been part of a few losses that we have been very proud of our players efforts/execution and even though we lost, felt good in the direction our team was going. There is no time to sulk during the season, however, those last games of the year in the playoffs are a killer, especially when they are close and you lose by an extra point ... those losses we seem to never get over.
We tell our players they have one night to enjoy the win or one night to get over the loss ... we have them back the next morning learning from their mistakes and then it is time to start preparing for our next opponent. The old adage ... don't let one loss become two!
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Post by larrymoe on May 27, 2014 12:40:47 GMT -6
Our last couple years, our only losses have been in the playoffs. Two years ago we just played like garbage. Most of my after the game time was spent analyzing how to prepare the team better, not really sulking. This year we only lost by 8 points so it was a little more in game management thought after the game. Three years ago when we lost in the playoffs I was just happy to have gotten there so after we got bounced in the first round it didn't take much time at all.
Individual wins or losses don't really effect me to terribly bad. Regardless of how bad the loss or how great the win was, I'm usually over it by the time I wake up the next morning. My family doesn't need to suffer just because we lost or won a stupid HS football game. I've yet to lose sleep over a football game. Just seems dumb to to me.
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Post by s73 on May 27, 2014 13:10:52 GMT -6
Our last couple years, our only losses have been in the playoffs. Two years ago we just played like garbage. Most of my after the game time was spent analyzing how to prepare the team better, not really sulking. This year we only lost by 8 points so it was a little more in game management thought after the game. Three years ago when we lost in the playoffs I was just happy to have gotten there so after we got bounced in the first round it didn't take much time at all. Individual wins or losses don't really effect me to terribly bad. Regardless of how bad the loss or how great the win was, I'm usually over it by the time I wake up the next morning. My family doesn't need to suffer just because we lost or won a stupid HS football game. I've yet to lose sleep over a football game. Just seems dumb to to me. Coach, With all due respect, you may feel that way right now b/c you are winning quite often. Sometimes it takes a downfall to fully appreciate success. I have had 2 -3 seasons in a row like you talked about where things were going well and I got really comfortable. Then, talent dries up for a couple seasons and some anxiety sets in b/c the "light at the end of the tunnel" seems a long ways off. Just saying, enjoy it b/c success can be fleeting at times. |
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Post by mariner42 on May 27, 2014 13:14:49 GMT -6
Regardless of how bad the loss or how great the win was, I'm usually over it by the time I wake up the next morning. My family doesn't need to suffer just because we lost or won a stupid HS football game. My sentiments exactly. I've met plenty of coaches who are emotional disasters after losing games, consumed with being sad and/or angry for whatever reason. I don't get that. Some losses bother me more than others, but it's rare that I let it consume me for any extended period of time. It's not healthy and not productive. My process: watch the film as objectively as possible. Find things to fix. Start on next week's film. Eat, take some time to enjoy myself doing something (college/NFL game, girlfriend, play with the dog, whatever), get a workout in. It's never as good as it seems, it's never as bad as it seems. |
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Post by M4 on May 27, 2014 13:22:57 GMT -6
Very hard.... eat my sadness away...
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Post by jgordon1 on May 27, 2014 13:28:01 GMT -6
Depends on how the loss occurs. We have won a few, that because of our poor play, felt more like losses. Also, we have been part of a few losses that we have been very proud of our players efforts/execution and even though we lost, felt good in the direction our team was going. There is no time to sulk during the season, however, those last games of the year in the playoffs are a killer, especially when they are close and you lose by an extra point ... those losses we seem to never get over. We tell our players they have one night to enjoy the win or one night to get over the loss ... we have them back the next morning learning from their mistakes and then it is time to start preparing for our next opponent. The old adage ... don't let one loss become two! Thats the problem..even wins seem like losses sometimes..losses are just that..losses..I don't believe in moral victory |
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Post by georgefred86 on May 27, 2014 13:36:17 GMT -6
Yeah I get the whole "don't believe in moral victories" thing ... and that's the popular answer, but I do know that there are times when a loss doesn't hurt as much either because of the effort put forth or the difference in the level of talent. And we have won a lot of games, so it's not like we are a program that "all holds hands and sing kumbaya."
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Post by fantom on May 27, 2014 13:38:26 GMT -6
Is it just the big ones that hurt? Or do the small ones sting just as bad? I've always been from the school of "Losing bothers me way more then winning makes me feel good." Losses ruin my weekend. My wife and I are season ticket holders for the local college and I don't ever want to go a Saturday after a loss. I hate going to the grocery store so I don't have to see a parent or anyone in the community after and talk about it (I hate it after wins too, just not as bad. Thats why I go at like 8 am Sunday morning). I realize that it may be counter productive, but after a loss, I'm on Hudl all night watching film, wondering what could I have done differently. I mean, sleep doesnt come till after Thanksgiving anyway, but nights after losses are always the worst. What are some things you do to combat that can't get to sleep feeling? That inner disapointment you feel? I go through the entire checklist in my head, over and over (Where we just out matched? Did we not prepare the players well? Fail to execute? etc). I hope these nights don't come this fall for any of us, but whats the best way you've learned to mentally shut down for a bit (if at all)? I don't sleep well after a game, win or lose. That's not because I'm replaying the game. I'm just wound up plus I'm a night owl anyway. I feel a lot different after a loss in the playoffs than during the season. When you lose in the playoffs everything just grinds to a screeching halt and I'm not worth a damn for about a week. After a regular season loss I think about why we lost, decide how to fix it, and get ready for the next one. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2014 13:46:58 GMT -6
For me, it totally depends on the opponent. If we were simply outplayed by a better team, but in turn our team played up to their capabilities, I'm fine with that. As others have mentioned, it's the losses to teams we should have beat that get to me a little bit but even then I've generally moved on by the next day.
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Post by groundchuck on May 27, 2014 13:51:21 GMT -6
Hard.
But I move on to the next and that keeps me focused.
If we played well and lost to a loaded team, while I don't like it I think I can rationalize it. It's those games that we lost because WE lost it that I take really hard. But I try and make sure the same thing doesn't happen again.
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Post by coach2013 on May 27, 2014 13:55:28 GMT -6
Every loss absolutely hurts. The close ones, the ones where we FOUND A WAY TO LOSE really hurt. The ones where we just get flat out outclassed hurt, hopefully we have a few moral victories - sometimes the schedule makers just are not too kind.
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yimmer
Freshmen Member
Posts: 69
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Post by yimmer on May 27, 2014 14:16:08 GMT -6
As soon as I watch the film I'm over it n on to next week. No time to sulk. Just have to get better for next week.
The end of the season losses are the ones that haunt me cause there is nothing to prepare for. Too much time on my hands leads to overanalyzing
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Post by larrymoe on May 27, 2014 15:26:59 GMT -6
Coach, With all due respect, you may feel that way right now b/c you are winning quite often. Sometimes it takes a downfall to fully appreciate success. I have had 2 -3 seasons in a row like you talked about where things were going well and I got really comfortable. Then, talent dries up for a couple seasons and some anxiety sets in b/c the "light at the end of the tunnel" seems a long ways off. Just saying, enjoy it b/c success can be fleeting at times. I've had more seasons as a coach that we haven't went to the playoffs than we have. Losses still don't bug me. It's a game. I reflect and try to think of what we can do better, but there's no reason to be a grouch and sulk all weekend. It's over. Let it go. Flush it and move on to the next thing. Want to teach your kids how to not forget bad plays and not move on and TO focus on the last play, which generally leads them to screwing up the current play? Show them through your own actions and by forcing them to sulk after the game on buses and such. If you sulk on certain plays and games, or force them to, they won't be able to flush bad things and move on to the next play. I'm generally more angry/sullen after certain types of wins than I am most losses. |
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Post by groundchuck on May 27, 2014 15:56:31 GMT -6
I'll be pissed after wins sometimes too. But less pissed than if we lost. There are few absolutes in life but one is that it is always better to go to bed Friday and wake up Saturday after a win than a loss.
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Post by burnet44 on May 27, 2014 17:28:07 GMT -6
always forward correcting mistakes of the past
its a long grind
20 weeks
you owe it to your team to move forward
if you dont they wont
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Post by s73 on May 27, 2014 18:43:38 GMT -6
Coach, With all due respect, you may feel that way right now b/c you are winning quite often. Sometimes it takes a downfall to fully appreciate success. I have had 2 -3 seasons in a row like you talked about where things were going well and I got really comfortable. Then, talent dries up for a couple seasons and some anxiety sets in b/c the "light at the end of the tunnel" seems a long ways off. Just saying, enjoy it b/c success can be fleeting at times. I've had more seasons as a coach that we haven't went to the playoffs than we have. Losses still don't bug me. It's a game. I reflect and try to think of what we can do better, but there's no reason to be a grouch and sulk all weekend. It's over. Let it go. Flush it and move on to the next thing. Want to teach your kids how to not forget bad plays and not move on and TO focus on the last play, which generally leads them to screwing up the current play? Show them through your own actions and by forcing them to sulk after the game on buses and such. If you sulk on certain plays and games, or force them to, they won't be able to flush bad things and move on to the next play. I'm generally more angry/sullen after certain types of wins than I am most losses. Coach, I think you are making assumptions that aren't the case. Big difference between licking my wounds over the weekend away from the team and what you are describing above. As for not getting over it immediately? I care about our success. What more can I say? You have a way of doing things as do I. I think it's simply different strokes for different folks. Makes neither one of us right or wrong. As for having more seasons not in the play offs v. being in the play offs, were all of those as a HFC? Makes a big difference when you are the focal point of a lack of success v. when you are an assistant and things aren't going well. JMO though. |
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Post by larrymoe on May 27, 2014 22:31:05 GMT -6
As a HC we're 4 out of 5 for playoffs in my tenures at two different places. I don't think it's been dependent on talent entirely.
Different strokes I guess.
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Post by coachdubyah on May 27, 2014 22:45:13 GMT -6
Our last couple years, our only losses have been in the playoffs. Two years ago we just played like garbage. Most of my after the game time was spent analyzing how to prepare the team better, not really sulking. This year we only lost by 8 points so it was a little more in game management thought after the game. Three years ago when we lost in the playoffs I was just happy to have gotten there so after we got bounced in the first round it didn't take much time at all. Individual wins or losses don't really effect me to terribly bad. Regardless of how bad the loss or how great the win was, I'm usually over it by the time I wake up the next morning. My family doesn't need to suffer just because we lost or won a stupid HS football game. I've yet to lose sleep over a football game. Just seems dumb to to me. I don't want to get booted off the board for this, but this is probably the single best piece of advice I think I have read on this board in quiet a while. It just simply isn't worth it to get all bent out of shape about. Do you get upset? Sure!!! But, it's just a game. If you want to coach, you can find a job somewhere. Trust me, for the past 6 years I have been a coach I feel like I have been doing it for the wrong reasons. This past season I coached for a 1-9 team. You do it long enough you will have those. We've been scheduled for everyone's homecoming next year. I am going to give it another go at this school (will be my 3rd year). If NOTHING improves, I'll just pack up and go somewhere else. Enjoy the fact that you are coaching the greatest sport known to man and do the best you can. You pair that with a group of players that care and play hard, you will win. Fact is winning games is not up to us as coaches when it comes down to it. Yeah, we grind on film and plan out situations for our players, but in the end its up to them. You're not going to win any more games wishing you had better players, wondering what might have been, and wishing you would have done something different. Coach the game like you know how to and the rest will take care of itself. Do I want to win, hell yes I do. But, in the end it's HIGH SCHOOL football for most of us. That, my friends, has been a tough pill for me to swallow this past year. |
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Post by realdawg on May 28, 2014 6:05:12 GMT -6
As many have said, I hate to lose more than I like to win. I really think I only enjoyed 2-3 of our wins this year. We expect to win, so often it is more of a sense of relief or ok, we expected that, lets move on, what can we fix, what can we do better? The best way to get over a lose is to get to work on the next one. The only time this is really hard is when you lose in the playoffs and you wake up the next morning without anything to get ready for.
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souza12
Sophomore Member
Posts: 179 
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Post by souza12 on May 28, 2014 12:14:07 GMT -6
My Saturday is the Players' Monday so I get over it quickly. No amount of sulking/grieving/self-pity is going to change the result of that game. Using the weekend to better prepare yourself to prepare your team will for the next game.
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Post by coachwoodall on May 28, 2014 12:27:04 GMT -6
I'm heading into year 21, and for the most part I'm over it by the time I'm off the bus. We'll watch the film and try and figure out the reasons/causes. But to be honest, I am only 'bothered' by a loss if I feel like I didn't do a good job of preparing the kids. If that is the case, then I am usually in a tizzy all day Friday leading up to the game. I try and bust my arse Sunday - Thursday so that the kids can bust their arse on Friday night.
Now that being said, when I was young and stupid, I would let it eat at me over the weekend and into the next. But I learned that to do that wasn't fair to my family. To be honest, my 4 year old could care less when he comes crawling into my bed early Saturday morning with his ditty blanket to wake me up for breakfast. On Saturdays, I owe it to all three of my kids to put on my big boy underwear and get right with them.
I've lost some 'big' games. I've lost some blow outs. I been on both sides of the two of the biggest finals upsets in these part for quite a while. I tell young coaches to make sure that no matter what, they are to make sure that they ENJOY the moment that they have in any of the 'big' games because they don't roll around often; win, lose, or draw.
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Post by coachcb on May 28, 2014 13:04:36 GMT -6
I ised to take it hard and bring that emotion home with me. Them I took over a team that hadnt won a game in years... I learned to keep my sh-t together because I didnt feel like being miserable because wins were hard to come by.
Now, I only get really angry if there was something else we could have done as a staff to prepare for the game. I hate it when the kids play like crap (win or lose) but that's out of my control. They're on the field, not me or the staff. We're they're to prepare them so it's on them if we've done so and we lose.
Essentially, I only get p-ssed off at the things in my control.
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Post by CoachCP on May 28, 2014 21:00:30 GMT -6
I sleep at night like most other nights no matter what happens. I owe it to my wife and myself to not let coaching determine my weekend. Tony Dungy makes the point that your attitude has a ripple effect. We need to be focused on that and move on. That starts as soon as we get home from the game (I try to give myself an hour to cool down at home if I'm really heated. That's all). I also know that I am weird in the fact that I can let go of things like losses relatively easily.
There's a few exceptions - a rivalry game that ended up as a lose thanks to a last second blocked potential game winning field goal (game was tied) for us and losing in the state finals or the semi finals.
There's wins that stand out too. Beating that same rival the next year in OT for the first time in our coaching regime. Beating the team we lost to in the state semi's the year prior and making it to the state championship. Regardless of the win or loss, I try to not let it be the one focus of my weekend for my sake and my family's sake. Works out probably 90% of the time.
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