coachh
Junior Member
Posts: 336
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Post by coachh on Nov 4, 2012 19:59:35 GMT -6
Anybody have a good clean joke or story to share to open a banquet with?
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Post by jgordon1 on Nov 5, 2012 7:52:14 GMT -6
..if you don't already know a couple of good stories or jokes by now you, like me, are probably not the guy to it..just be yourself
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Post by coachwilliams2 on Nov 5, 2012 8:06:10 GMT -6
....So we lost a bunch of games this year...and I will probably be fired right after this banquet....but everyone have a good time and enjoy the party!
Sorry, I am a pesimist.
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Post by larrymoe on Nov 5, 2012 8:29:30 GMT -6
I've always wanted to use the old "Well, I just flew in from _____ and boy are my arms tired!"
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Post by John Knight on Nov 5, 2012 8:41:46 GMT -6
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Post by wingt74 on Nov 5, 2012 8:49:12 GMT -6
I would like to thank you all for coming...if you didn't, we wouldn't have a football team.
Please don't ban me from coach huey
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Post by John Knight on Nov 5, 2012 9:55:18 GMT -6
Hey wingt74, Swing your sword!!!!!!
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Post by John Knight on Nov 5, 2012 11:02:47 GMT -6
When I hear the term Skill Position I always think of this joke.
Paddy & Mick worked together in Green Bay Wisconsin and were both laid off.
So off they went to the unemployment office together.
When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies cotton panties and tongs".
The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer and finding it classified as unskilled labour, and gave him $80.00 a week unemployment pay.
Mick was next in, and when asked his occupation, replied, "Diesel Fitter". Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick $160.00 a week.
When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained "Panty Stitchers are unskilled and Diesel Fitter's are skilled labour".
What skill? Yelled Paddy." I sew da elastic on da panties and tongs; Mick puts 'em over his head and says:
"Yep, diesel fitter ..........
Linemen are panty stichers and skilled guys are diesel fitters!!!
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Post by cqmiller on Nov 5, 2012 13:55:23 GMT -6
Anything that starts off with...
"So a priest and a rabbi walk into the Penn State locker room..."
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Post by rsmith627 on Nov 5, 2012 14:03:16 GMT -6
Miller, for us here in Utah, that one wouldn't even offend anybody. Golden.
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Post by fantom on Nov 5, 2012 16:05:28 GMT -6
..if you don't already know a couple of good stories or jokes by now you, like me, are probably not the guy to it..just be yourself I'm with Jerry. Although I've been told that I can be funny I'm not a joke guy (can't imagine a more terrifying way to make a living than standup). If I don't screw up the setup I screw up the punch line. If you're asking for jokes here you're probably not a joke guy either. |
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Post by mariner42 on Nov 5, 2012 16:18:36 GMT -6
One I've always wanted to do when introducing someone:
I love awkward moments/humor.
Inspired by a Seinfeld joke.
Then segue into how every time you won this season, it was because the kids shot the bear.
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Post by Chris Clement on Nov 5, 2012 17:02:52 GMT -6
A baby seal walks into a club.
Poor thing.
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Post by John Knight on Nov 6, 2012 5:54:52 GMT -6
Toothless termite walks into a tavern and says, "is the bar tender here?"
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Post by blb on Nov 6, 2012 7:49:19 GMT -6
Coming soon from publishers Hook, Lyne, and Sinker:
How to Make Friends and Influence People by dcohio.
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Post by coachd5085 on Nov 6, 2012 9:10:42 GMT -6
Coming soon from publishers Hook, Lyne, and Sinker: How to Make Friends and Influence People by dcohio. LOL!! I'm sorry but good lord. In week 7, a safety got busted by the school cop smoking in the parking lot before school. Penalty is suspended 50% of season. So he sat the last 3 games this year and has to sit first 2 games next year. This is the same kid who got busted last year with 2 bottles of black velvet in his car, didn't go home from homecoming, didn't call, didn't text his parents just didn't go home, tried being a dealer and on his first sale got beat up and his drugs and money taken, everyone knows he's a dope head...it's a list of dumbchit this kid has done. His mother is the president of my parents club, a teacher and his step dad is a pastor and grandpa is an attourney. Grandpa is fighting the suspension saying it is too severe. The greatest part of that is he was the president of BOE when the current student-athlete handbook was adopted and approved by the BOE. Yesterday the kid was late to school, came to school, picked up some of his "friends" they rode around the block and smoked (as was told to me by one of the kids in the car who I know wouldn't lie to me). I tell the mother and she says "well Jimmy said he didn't leave school yesterday, he was on time to all of his classes." I respond - "his first period teacher marked him tardy." Mom - "he said he didn't leave, I don't believe my son would lie to me again." I respond - "seriously?" I mean come on...if my kid was a phuk up I'd be the first one to think/know/acknowledge his/her phukupedness. And they aren't even trying to fight that he was smoking...oh phuk no...that's OK, but the penalty shouldn't be that harsh. What? Get the phuk out of here... Sorry to hijack the thread. Back to the jokes. I would just go with that story as my intro joke  |
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Post by coachbuck on Nov 6, 2012 9:15:38 GMT -6
"Well, I couldn't be more proud of the young men in this room. That's what I would have said if we weren't holding an end of the year banquet while everyone else is in the playoffs. Have a good night, eat up and, if you need to find me, look down at the bar." Winner, winner. LOL |
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Post by John Knight on Nov 6, 2012 9:30:13 GMT -6
That is no joke, dc that is a 4 minute set at the comedy club! just ad some hand gestures and put on some bling!!!!
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Post by larrymoe on Nov 6, 2012 13:00:49 GMT -6
This would be a great job if it weren't for the parents or their kids.
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