newhc
Sophomore Member
Posts: 209
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Post by newhc on Nov 2, 2009 18:15:46 GMT -6
I will say that this relationship is very importnant. I have been blessed with a Wife that tolerates football in the best way. During football season, she is all in, doing stuff for the team, attending all games, cooking breakfast for the coaches meetings at my house (not every week). She is great. I say tolerate, becuase after football season, she don't like it on TV. I have to watch Lifetime, the next girly movie that comes out, and a bunch of other stuff. I guess that it is fair, cause she does a great job during my season. I love her!
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Post by oguru on Nov 2, 2009 19:18:50 GMT -6
My girlfriend loves football,and loves going to the games. She is very vocal about how bad we are this year,and lets it be known in the stands I have been told,as our defense is horrible. I guess she sat behind our HC father,mother,and wife,and she was ripping him a new one because our defense couldn't stop water going downhill. I guess once our HC figured out who she was he was embaressed to tell me. When he did I told her,and her response was tell him to get his ship together because the defense he runs sucks doggy doo. No I did not tell him that but when we were down 56-00 at halftime last week. We had four TD's called back on offese. I guess she said the HC should be fired. Hey it's her life,and she does have her 1st amendment and she can say what she wants. i would like to think you don't believe this to be a good thing ... your significant other dogging the staff. whether she believes it or not, do you think it really the right thing for her to be expressing it in public? don't the other coaches pretty much see it as you expressing that opinion as well? (even though it isn't you specifically making these statements) No they know that she is very opnionated. Thats the way she is and nothing will change it. No it's not a good thing,but it's the way she is.Sometimes the truth hurts.
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Post by Coach Huey on Nov 2, 2009 19:24:39 GMT -6
No they know that she is very opnionated. Thats the way she is and nothing will change it. No it's not a good thing,but it's the way she is.Sometimes the truth hurts. so, during the course of your conversation about this with her, she simply said, "sorry, this is how i am." and decided she was not going to bite her tongue? what good comes from your girlfriend being "against" the coaching staff? at least publicly....
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Post by tog on Nov 2, 2009 21:05:14 GMT -6
lol
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Post by 44dlcoach on Nov 2, 2009 21:23:59 GMT -6
I don't see how this is that much different than the other coach on your staff calling you out in front of the team, which you were so upset about. Don't you think your kids have parents in the stands? Don't you think that they know who's girlfriend that is up there ripping the HC? Won't that news make it's way to your team and do the exact same thing you were so upset about the other assistant doing?
If the assistant who criticized you said "that's the way I am. Sometimes the truth hurts." would that have been an acceptable response that you could have just moved on from?
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Post by oguru on Nov 2, 2009 21:59:55 GMT -6
You ahve to know her. It was one thing to be called out in front of the team by another coach. It's another thing for a fan to voice their unhappiness with what is going on. Also the majority of the parents are also upset with the way the season is going,and they have been heard saying the same thing. She has gotten better and keeps her comments to herself, she is a teacher at the school so the kids know who she is,and she has told them that she feels sorry for them. The head coach doesn't really care either way it seems,as he has the view that fans will say what they want because they are fans.
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Post by CatsCoach on Nov 3, 2009 7:31:36 GMT -6
My wife has been very supportive of me coaching! I started coaching my son's youth team 6 years ago and this year I still coached his team and at the High School doing Varsity and JV. She not a big football fan but is and wants to learn more and more about the game. She came to a few Varsity games, a few JV games and most of our sons games. She let me vent to her we we lost, but she didnt like it when all 3 team lost, because then I was in a bad mood most of the day on saturday.
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Post by davishfc on Nov 3, 2009 7:31:39 GMT -6
You ahve to know her. It was one thing to be called out in front of the team by another coach. It's another thing for a fan to voice their unhappiness with what is going on. Also the majority of the parents are also upset with the way the season is going,and they have been heard saying the same thing. She has gotten better and keeps her comments to herself, she is a teacher at the school so the kids know who she is,and she has told them that she feels sorry for them. The head coach doesn't really care either way it seems,as he has the view that fans will say what they want because they are fans. If I were Head Coach in this situation, I would have to assess just how valuable you as a coach were to the program. I say this because if the cost of having you around (your girlfriend being who she is and not knowing when to practice some restraint and discover the art of support and a unified front) does not outweigh the benefit (you coaching) then you've both got to go. I will not tolerate the program I'm working so hard to build be destroyed by an extension of my coaching staff. If anyone should be informed of the process and the plan in place to turn the program around, it should be the people immediately involved with the program. More time should be spent talking about the positives that you as an assistant and the head coach are doing to get the program heading in the right direction. Now I may lose a coach but you've said she will still be the way she is. However, an extension of you, my fellow coaching staff member, will not be fueling the fire in the stands of the already uneducated, misinformed, Saturday morning QB's. This is behavior counterproductive to building a program. You're either with us or against us. If she's got nothing positive to say then she shouldn't say anything at all. As for the performance of the team's defense, are you involved in that at all. Do you feel any accountability toward the performance of those players as a defensive unit? I would and I would do anything in my power to right the ship. Is it reacting appropriately to blocking schemes, pursuit, tackling, coverage, that must be improved. Watch some film and get it figured out.
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Post by oguru on Nov 3, 2009 7:59:49 GMT -6
We two platoon, so I do not coach defense. Also since I am a teacher he can't get rid of me union rules. I have talked to him,and he doesn't pay attention to the fans because they are fans,and will say what they want. The principal can't do much either as my gf has been teaching at the sachool longer then the principal has been at the school. Trust me I am a little embaressed because I am up in the press box and hear all the stuff she says. Also I do not think my girlfriend is an extsension of the staff. She is my girlfriend not my wife. We are not legally together. If we were marrid maybe she would be an exstension of the program. However I think thats a little bit of a fetch whether she is a gf or a wife. She is not on staff,and is not under contract for the staff. So the being an exstension of the staff is a little bit of a stretch as I said.
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Post by gacoach on Nov 3, 2009 9:32:26 GMT -6
We two platoon, so I do not coach defense. Also since I am a teacher he can't get rid of me union rules. I have talked to him,and he doesn't pay attention to the fans because they are fans,and will say what they want. The principal can't do much either as my gf has been teaching at the sachool longer then the principal has been at the school. Trust me I am a little embaressed because I am up in the press box and hear all the stuff she says. Also I do not think my girlfriend is an extsension of the staff. She is my girlfriend not my wife. We are not legally together. If we were marrid maybe she would be an exstension of the program. However I think thats a little bit of a fetch whether she is a gf or a wife. She is not on staff,and is not under contract for the staff. So the being an exstension of the staff is a little bit of a stretch as I said. My wife sits with the other wives just so she doesn't have to hear fans near her talk about us, the coaches. If she has anything to say regarding the game she waits until we're at home. Also, if you were married, she WOULD be an extension of the program. Have you read all of the posts about those of us with wives and what they do for the team? Coaching is a fulltime part of your life, like an extended family. There are two kinds of married coaches....those with happy wives and those that are divorced.
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Post by Wingtman on Nov 3, 2009 9:38:51 GMT -6
As long as we have jumped to the "negitive" here....my future wife does some critizing.....To me, when we are at home, just the two of us.
In the stands shes supportive as hell. What we say to each other about things is between us. She teaches in the same district as I do (different building), but shes a good soilder through and through.
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bama
Freshmen Member
Posts: 54
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Post by bama on Nov 3, 2009 10:20:32 GMT -6
If you think a wife is not an extension of you and of the entire coaching staff, you are either a) a coach that hasn't been around very long, b) very naive, or c) not the sharpest knife in the drawer. EVERYONE in the stands and out in the community will be watching the coache's wives. They are scrutinized as much as the coaches themselves. One of the great things about coaching is the relationships that you build with other coaches and their families. I don't understand how that could ever occur in the situation that you're describing. You are correct in the free speech. I have no idea where you coach, but here coaches are a pretty tight knit community and news travels fast. A coach looking to move up would have a difficult time if he had that kind of negativity coming with him.
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Post by phantom on Nov 3, 2009 10:39:29 GMT -6
OGuru, what I'm going to say may sound harsh. Don't ake it that way. I'm just going to speak my piece dispassionately (freedom of speech and all that):
What would bother me more than your girlfriend's attitude is yours:
A. You don't coach defense so it doesn't bother you that fans and your GF are loudly ripping the defensive staff.
B. The fans are ripping the program and it seems that you agree with them and have sided with them against your staff. If I was on your staff it would have to cross my mind that your GF was getting some of this stuff from you.
C. You say that it doesn't bother your HC but I have to consider the possibility that he's just dropped you out of the "Circle of Trust". At best he may consider frank discussions with you to be a waste of time. At worst he may wonder if "what you say there" is "staying there".
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Post by oguru on Nov 3, 2009 10:42:53 GMT -6
The situation we are in down here is complicated as the guy I came down with got fired a week into spring ball. I started subbing and have been hired full time for this year. I met my GF while subbing. They hired a new coach in June. He had to keep all of the former coaches staff. We are pretty tight knit as we spend a lot of time together. Everyone knows my GF is out spoken and thats just how she is. She is supportive of me,and everything however was not thrilled when everything happen last spring,and even told the principal that she was wrong to fire the guy.
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Post by davishfc on Nov 3, 2009 12:21:19 GMT -6
If you think a wife is not an extension of you and of the entire coaching staff, you are either a) a coach that hasn't been around very long, b) very naive, or c) not the sharpest knife in the drawer. EVERYONE in the stands and out in the community will be watching the coache's wives. They are scrutinized as much as the coaches themselves. One of the great things about coaching is the relationships that you build with other coaches and their families. I don't understand how that could ever occur in the situation that you're describing. You are correct in the free speech. I have no idea where you coach, but here coaches are a pretty tight knit community and news travels fast. A coach looking to move up would have a difficult time if he had that kind of negativity coming with him. Well said bama. Coaches wives or girlfriends can't help it...it's what they signed up for when they married or even decided to date a coach whether they like it or not. They are an extension of you, as the coach, and they are scrutinized, like you said, in some cases as much as the coaches themselves. Regardless of the situation with a coaching change or anything of the sort, she should show some loyalty to the cause and all those involved in it. I don't buy this "freedom of speech" crap or this "she is who she is" junk. There is a time to be seen and a time to be heard. God gave you two eyes, two ears, and one mouth no matter how loud it is. She should look further and listen deeper about what is going on with the program before she opens her mouth. As for the security oguru feels with his and her actions, I think a truthful negative evaluation would work to influence the principal or those with the influence in the school. I don't know if oguru thinks he's the "answer" the program is looking for and is just patiently waiting. But he and his girlfriend are certainly becoming part of the problem rather than the solution. This does not sound like a healthy situation at all and worse yet it sounds like oguru may be contributing to the blunders of the program...his girlfriend most certainly is. Bama...you're right, if he doesn't understand that then he must be naive.
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Post by knighter on Nov 3, 2009 12:23:37 GMT -6
No question about it oguru, if you were on my staff and I heard what your gf was saying you likely would not be on my staff anymore. "that is just how she is" might be what you say, and what you mean, but disloyalty from anyone in my program is not taken lightly. if you will not defend the program to your girlfriend, who will you defend the program to? i do not tolerate disloyal assistants (or in this case assistants who allow their girlfriends to bad mouth the staff/program/etc.
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Post by teachcoachwm on Nov 3, 2009 12:29:50 GMT -6
I was already coaching when I met my wife and she was an executive in Charlotte. I bought her "The Girlfriend's Guide to Football" shortly before we got married and she loved it. She has super knowledge now. She even helped me set up a Pivot table scouting program on excel and she used to enter the data on the computer for me before our son came along. 2 years ago I was offered a significant raise to take a job in GA near the beach only about an hour from her parents. She decided to leave her career to stay at home with our son, so we made the move. While down at the new job, she has decided to get involved as much as possible. We have the players over for dinner, she makes goodie bags for my position guys on Fridays, and she even redesigned the team website and monitors that now. But when she is around the other coaches wives, they actually criticize her and make fun of all of the things she does. She tells me that they say they hate football and can't wait for it to be over; and they don't understand how she could give up her spare time to do those things. It just makes me realize how lucky I am.
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Post by oguru on Nov 3, 2009 22:14:48 GMT -6
I am loyal to the head coach, and we talk on a consistent basis because of the fact that I am the OC,and we need to talk. When I go home she asks me how practice was and I say good. Sometimes she even watches practice. The head coach has not said anything to me except that he hears my GF likes to speak her mind. I am frustrated with the way the defense has played. However the head coach has a policy that the offensive coaches worry about offense and the defensive coaches worry about defense. So we don't get in each others ways in terms of preparing for the game. I have had the offensive coaches over to watch game film,and game plan,and she makes pizza for us and brings us stuff to drink so she is involved with the program. The offensive coaches love her because they think she is hilarious. Like I said you have to understand our situation in terms of what happen in the spring, to see what happen to this season. It's been frustrating and rumors around town is that they are going to fire the head coach. Which I doubt is going to happen as he is from the town I am coaching at and they hired hm and fired the other guy because of that. Trust me it's a mess. I am loyal to the ehad coach and the school as thats who is paying me the school.
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Post by bigsandwich on Nov 4, 2009 8:06:34 GMT -6
I have a great coaches wife, too. She takes care of our 2 boys, the house and supports me. She never goes to games or watches football on TV. I don't think you have to do those things to be a good coaches wife.
"Wake me up early, be good to my dog and teach my children to pray. "
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cpike018
Freshmen Member
[F4:cpike018]
Posts: 95
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Post by cpike018 on Dec 6, 2009 23:55:07 GMT -6
I would either fire you to get your gf away. Even if she stayed she would not be considered asociated withthe program jsut another fan.
If I were you I would find a new girlfriend because you cna always find a new girl but you cant undo mess ups on your resume. You are walking a fine line in my opinion and that is just my opinion.
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Post by coachorr on Dec 7, 2009 0:16:32 GMT -6
This whole conversation about oguru's GF is just bad. I don't know if it is the GF as much as the immaturity and/or bravado of it all.
It is so cut and dry, you are either with us or you are against us.
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CoachDP
Sophomore Member
Posts: 240
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Post by CoachDP on Dec 7, 2009 0:21:37 GMT -6
My wife helps in all aspects of the season. She videotapes our games, helps with fundraising, academics, etc. She even questions me on the way home about some of my calls. Gotta take the good with the bad, I suppose. lol
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Post by floridagator on Dec 7, 2009 10:41:33 GMT -6
I would beg my wife to PLEASE stay home but I am guessing if she does what your saying that it finds its ways into criticism in school and amongst friends. She isnt exactlly hiding her disdain.
Sucks for you man, I really feel for ya.
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Post by indyball on Dec 7, 2009 10:51:13 GMT -6
My wife was on the half time dance line back in high school and a homecoming attendant. If it weren't for those two things, she wouldn't come to any high school football games! She actually comes to one game a year. We have a 9 month old little girl and she loved the game she went to this year, so that might get my wife to more games. I coach Football, Basketball and even Track and Field when the other football coaches can trick me into dragging my butt out there for the Spring. I understand I am a bit mental in terms of my passion for coaching and the thought of studying game film gives me goosebumps...but coaching is not my life. It is a part of it, and after doing it for 15 years, I don't know what I would do without a whistle around my neck. I almost didn't coach football this year, but was convinced by my wife at the 11th hour to do it for one more year. Thankfully, I listened to her and was treated to a Region Title and the first playoff win for our school in over 25 years. However, I have learned enough from some wise coaches over the years about what NOT to do as a coach. I will NOT forsake my family or my principles for Football. Ever. All too often, I have watched coaches go through divorces and they all have the same responses, "she didn't support me" or "she just didn't understand my time commitments". For most of us, coaching doesn't pay the bills and we do it because we love it. I love playing golf, too, but when football season comes or when the wife has other things for me to do, I leave the golf bag in the garage. Will my players be alright without me? Probably. Will my family be alright without me? Probably not. Family always comes first...it's what we preach to our athletes...we just as well better live by the same philosophy.
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Post by juancsusb on Dec 7, 2009 15:51:34 GMT -6
My wife is extremely supportive. I count on her getting tired of football at least once during the season & that's when I take her on a date night & make her feel better. Otherwise she really is an awesome coach's wife!
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Post by floridagator on Dec 7, 2009 17:27:25 GMT -6
I know what your saying, alot of times I have to miss Saturday college games just to show that its not all about me or football etc. You have got to make the time but it sure can be hard during the season. We are out of the playoffs now and we are going to Disney to have some "us" time. This will help mend the last couple months.
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dbeck84
Sophomore Member
Posts: 170
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Post by dbeck84 on Dec 8, 2009 13:10:40 GMT -6
My wife is very supportive. She loves football and will cuss a blue streak when Jay Cutler throws an interception. She comes to as many games as her work schedule allows and sith with the mothers. She sets some of them straight when they don't know what's going on on the field. I know she gets frustrated when the team isn't playing well or the fans are dogging the coaching staff, but she is always supportive of the time I spend coaching. She knows it's my dream job. Hopefully she continues to be supportive if we ever decide to have kids.
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