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Post by Defcord on Oct 23, 2011 18:20:30 GMT -6
There is another thread going about spending quality time with wife. I think that is an interesting thread but here is a conversation and question we pondered at the office the other day...
"If your wife said it was her or coaching (not a year off I mean no more coaching) what would you chose?"
Now that I have a kid the decision would be harder to make but I am not sure I could give up coaching and I am coming off a 2-8 season. My wife has never said anything about it though so I am good!
What do you guys say?
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Post by pvogel on Oct 23, 2011 18:52:23 GMT -6
coaching.
If coaching is a major part of your life and she doesn't accept it then she doesn't accept you as a person.
It's a part of who I am. take it or leave it. I'm not saying that coaching should always be the priority or that you should neglect her but she does need to understand how important it is. If she doesn't, shes not right for you.
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Post by indian1 on Oct 23, 2011 19:10:14 GMT -6
If your wife asks you that, you're a dumb a$$ for marrying her in the first place.
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Post by Coach Huey on Oct 23, 2011 19:18:11 GMT -6
it isn't the "coaching" that your wife is upset about. the fact that you coach isn't the problem.
get to the root of the problem and it can be solved.
Lots of careers require men to be away from home 12-14 hours a day during certain times of year. It is what you do in the hours you are home, what you do even while you are away.
Don't expect your family to just accept that "he's a coach" and give you a pass for the 4-6 hours every day you home. Your career isn't what allows your family to be understanding. It is how you handle them throughout the process, what quality you provide when you aren't at the office, how you bring them into the daily routine of your life.
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Post by airraider on Oct 23, 2011 19:45:20 GMT -6
I would kill or die for my wife... until I would do the same to keep coaching then its not much of a decision...
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Post by silkyice on Oct 23, 2011 19:56:02 GMT -6
Wife. No doubt. But she would never ask me to quit coaching.
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Post by John Knight on Oct 24, 2011 5:25:46 GMT -6
My son is 17 and has been going to football every day since he was 2. My daughter is 21 and was at her first football game when she was 3 weeks old. My wife fixes food for the coaches or makes sure someone does for our post game celebration/lament. She is a football wife and has never told me to slow down or do less.
If you have to do anything to keep her happy, she isn't a coach's wife.
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Post by blb on Oct 24, 2011 5:53:04 GMT -6
If you have to do anything to keep her happy, she isn't a coach's wife. This. And if you are thinking about marrying a woman that you even suspect the ultimatum might ever be a consideration, you'd better make the decision before you say "I do." |
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Post by CoachMikeJudy on Oct 24, 2011 6:18:39 GMT -6
Ultimatums don't work in relationships anyway.
My wife isn't happy about me not being around as much, but I offered to take off a year or three when my son was born and she asked if I had lost my mind...apparently she didn't want to lose hers!
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Coach Unk
Junior Member
[F4:coachdonjones]
Posts: 392
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Post by Coach Unk on Oct 24, 2011 7:01:24 GMT -6
I would find another wife.
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Post by dacoordinator on Oct 24, 2011 8:01:10 GMT -6
I find myself going through that with my girlfriend. I mean she loves football and I really think she supports me being a coach. I just think when push comes to shove she will have problem with the time apart. I am trying to find ways to include her in my daily routine though so she will feel apart of what I'm doing and therefore not feel as if I am not claiming my domain and don't want her to be in anyway apart of it. Like CoachHuey said there are plenty of other jobs that require you to work 12 hrs a day, hell almost all of them now. Just find ways to include her in your realm of work. And she still can't except it then she can not accept you.
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Post by robinhood on Oct 24, 2011 12:51:25 GMT -6
This is NOT a decision. If your wife/girlfriend isn't more important than coaching, then you're misguided. Your wife has to be the most important thing in your life.
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Post by coachmacplains on Oct 24, 2011 15:43:17 GMT -6
If one's promise to her is paper thin, then how does he convince a group of soon to be men that commitments are important? Mind you, we are talking about a sacred institution here; while one's vocation is of great significance and value, marriage is foundational. Food for thought.
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Post by tothehouse on Oct 24, 2011 17:18:53 GMT -6
Would have never gotten to that point of even asking. The discussions of my profession were clear when the courtship began. "Here is what I do. Here is the time I put in. Here is why." I am currently not coaching after 20 years (I'm 39) and my wife says after week 1 of the football season this year..."I can't believe you're not coaching".  I believe I found the best one. |
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Post by pmeisel on Oct 24, 2011 21:11:05 GMT -6
Lots of jobs require long hours and weekends. My first wife couldn't figure that out. The next one is great and will also be the last one.
And I wasn't coaching -- I was working in a factory. You gotta make a living.
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Post by mattyg2787 on Oct 24, 2011 21:37:52 GMT -6
1)My wife would never give me that ultimatum
2)If my wife did ask me to quit football or she'd leave, I set my pads on fire immediately
I love football 26 weeks of the year. I love waking up next to my wife 52 weeks of the year.
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Post by coachmoore42 on Oct 26, 2011 3:10:42 GMT -6
This time of year, I'm usually tired of the apathy of (some of) the kids and the insanity of (some of) the parents. So I usually say something like "I'm not sure I'm going to coach next year." My wife promptly shoots me a look that lets me know she doesn't like the notion of "no football."
;D
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Post by coachorr on Oct 26, 2011 6:12:40 GMT -6
Wife, because coaching has never been about me.
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Post by blb on Oct 26, 2011 6:47:00 GMT -6
This has never been nor will it be an issue with us.
My wife is the most important thing in my life. And she is also my-our team's biggest supporter.
But if a wife was to issue such an ultimatum I would choose coaching because if I went the other way I'd be miserable, there are obviously other root causes-issues, and the marriage would be doomed to failure.
So you gave up coaching, was unhappy, and didn't save the relationship anyway. What are you left with?
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Post by Coach Huey on Oct 26, 2011 7:02:21 GMT -6
just gonna say it one more time ....
COACHING isn't ever going to be the issue. how you treat your wife, your relationship with her, your time spent with her, the level to which you show her how important family is - things EVERY husband must handle (not just a coach) - will be a reason for the downfall of the marriage.
the excuse "wife divorced me because she couldn't take the fact that i was a coach" is what it is ... an excuse. what it really is code for is "my wife divorced me because she couldn't take the fact that i wasn't spending quality time with her and showing nearly as much devotion to her as i was my career."
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Post by airraider on Oct 26, 2011 7:13:33 GMT -6
just gonna say it one more time .... COACHING isn't ever going to be the issue. how you treat your wife, your relationship with her, your time spent with her, the level to which you show her how important family is - things EVERY husband must handle (not just a coach) - will be a reason for the downfall of the marriage. the excuse "wife divorced me because she couldn't take the fact that i was a coach" is what it is ... an excuse. what it really is code for is "my wife divorced me because she couldn't take the fact that i wasn't spending quality time with her and showing nearly as much devotion to her as i was my career." This.... Like Huey said... Its not about coaching, its about career and family ballance... |
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Post by blb on Oct 26, 2011 7:16:22 GMT -6
just gonna say it one more time .... COACHING isn't ever going to be the issue. how you treat your wife, your relationship with her, your time spent with her, the level to which you show her how important family is - things EVERY husband must handle (not just a coach) - will be a reason for the downfall of the marriage. the excuse "wife divorced me because she couldn't take the fact that i was a coach" is what it is ... an excuse. what it really is code for is "my wife divorced me because she couldn't take the fact that i wasn't spending quality time with her and showing nearly as much devotion to her as i was my career." Thanks for the reiteration but that's not necessarily true. Wives, like all human beings, aren't one size fits all. The problem may not be lack of "quality time" or "devotion" or the importance coach places on family but a spouse who is controlling, jealous of husband's career and sometimes the popularity-attention that goes with it, and not genuinely concerned with his happiness as an individual. In spite of the coach-husband's best efforts. |
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Post by airraider on Oct 26, 2011 7:30:22 GMT -6
just gonna say it one more time .... COACHING isn't ever going to be the issue. how you treat your wife, your relationship with her, your time spent with her, the level to which you show her how important family is - things EVERY husband must handle (not just a coach) - will be a reason for the downfall of the marriage. the excuse "wife divorced me because she couldn't take the fact that i was a coach" is what it is ... an excuse. what it really is code for is "my wife divorced me because she couldn't take the fact that i wasn't spending quality time with her and showing nearly as much devotion to her as i was my career." Thanks for the reiteration but that's not necessarily true. Wives, like all human beings, aren't one size fits all. The problem may not be lack of "quality time" or "devotion" or the importance coach places on family but a spouse who is controlling, jealous of husband's career and sometimes the popularity-attention that goes with it, and not genuinely concerned with his happiness as an individual. In spite of the coach-husband's best efforts. Well that might come down to a whole other issue... love or lust... Most women like that rarely find someone to truly love them... I guess that is why such a huge portion of marriages end with divorce... because they were founded upon the wrong reasons. |
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Post by Coach Huey on Oct 26, 2011 9:28:07 GMT -6
Thanks for the reiteration but that's not necessarily true. Wives, like all human beings, aren't one size fits all. The problem may not be lack of "quality time" or "devotion" or the importance coach places on family but a spouse who is controlling, jealous of husband's career and sometimes the popularity-attention that goes with it, and not genuinely concerned with his happiness as an individual. In spite of the coach-husband's best efforts. Well that might come down to a whole other issue... love or lust... Most women like that rarely find someone to truly love them... I guess that is why such a huge portion of marriages end with divorce... because they were founded upon the wrong reasons. right ... which means, the divorce didn't happen because of the man being a "coach" ... it was a result of the man getting too much attention or more attention from others than the wife. guy could have been a doctor, or the mayor, or a bartender .... if he's getting limelight (or whatever this issue was 3 posts ago) then she's going to want out - or demand he change 'professions'. the 'change' she seeks isn't a new career for her husband - it is a new career that DOESN'T contain the same perceived negatives as the current one. if going from a coach to a greeter at wal-mart doesn't rectify the root/core issues within the relationship, then pretty soon the wife is going to want the man to give up his 'career' as a wal-mart greeter for something else. |
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Post by fantom on Oct 26, 2011 10:16:11 GMT -6
Before I got divorced my wife complained about my coaching track. She didn't like that I was gone all day Saturday during the spring so I quit. Then she complained that we lost the stipend.
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Post by airraider on Oct 26, 2011 10:51:31 GMT -6
Before I got divorced my wife complained about my coaching track. She didn't like that I was gone all day Saturday during the spring so I quit. Then she complained that we lost the stipend. Haters gonna hate  |
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Post by silkyice on Oct 26, 2011 11:07:43 GMT -6
Before I got divorced my wife complained about my coaching track. She didn't like that I was gone all day Saturday during the spring so I quit. Then she complained that we lost the stipend. I would complain that I was gone all day Saturday during the spring. |
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Post by coachking8 on Oct 26, 2011 13:07:10 GMT -6
I went through something like this. My soon-to-be fiancee had a major problem with the hours I spent coaching. If I was breaking down film on my laptop while she was sitting on the couch next to me I got dirty scowls the whole time. If I needed to call another coach about an issue while at home and interrupted something we were doing I got dirty scowls the whole time. Long story short, she was bitter that I had a very demanding job, even though she was a very career-minded and driven individual herself. Needless to say, I took the money I was going to put down on an engagement ring and used it to buy a new commando clicker for the football program since I could see the writing on the wall.
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kwallis
Sophomore Member
[F4:CoachWallis] [F4:CoachWallis]
Posts: 198
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Post by kwallis on Oct 26, 2011 14:04:19 GMT -6
Wife
Every night before bed I thank God for 2 things...My Life and My Wife. Nothing is more important than her and the family we will one day, God willing, raise. Football is a very close 3rd behind my faith and her...but still 3rd.
Everyone is making great points about demanding or stressful marriages. And I totally agree with Huey. But lets say my wife was to fall ill and needed me to care for her and choice had to be made.... I would chose her.
Have a healthy, loving marriage and most of the "problems" will be a non-issue. And pray that your family and you stay healthy/safe
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Post by Coach Huey on Oct 26, 2011 16:57:01 GMT -6
Wife lets say my wife was to fall ill and needed me to care for her and choice had to be made.... I would chose her. I agree 100%. Although, for this particular discussion we are probably talking more about everyone healthy, but wife is disappointed in the relationship for other reasons (not health related). But, back to your point... if a change of career is what is needed for me to better take care of my family (health reasons, better money situation, better working hours/conditions, etc.) then I would make that change -- again, if through discussions with my family that the move was what is in the best interests of our family. |
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I believe I found the best one. 
